I haven't been on this blog much. But, I will make a habit to blog more often. Not because I will inspire others with great words of wisdom, but selfishly I need the accountability. As I have read over the blogs throughout the years, I could personally see my spiritual journey with Christ, times I was close with Him and times when I have drifted and tried to use worldly systems to survive. Gotta say, the world's ways promise great results. But, I have found more often than not, being left with buyer's remorse and empty promises. Just like Adam and Eve, I want to be like God! Make my own decisions, do what I want and in a rebellious way and still expect Him to "bless" me. So...
I asked God to work on the issue of pride in my life. Why would I ask Him to do that? WHY?
He has been faithful to answer that prayer. He has taken me down some paths that have left me desperate. Sometimes I have turned to Him and other times I have not.
The sin of Pride is like an Octopus. Once you think you have all of its tenaacles under control, one slips out and reminds you that humility is a tough thing to maintain. So, I praise Him for the struggles. I thank God that I am His workmanship created to glorify Him. That He created me to do good works to Glorify Him.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Why Self Help, Doesn't Help!
I have noticed lately that so many Christian books and devotions geared toward women are "how to" type topics. After discussing this with a close friend, we came to the conclusion, that there was a time in our lives when these books would entice us. Especially as young mom's who were always looking for "help". In a culture that encourages us to be the best, do our best and push our children to be their best, one has to just sigh and feel as if it's all too overwhelming.
Furthermore, growing up in a denomination that applauds "works" and religious "goodness", I can easily find myself not measuring up, if I have a bad day or if my kids do something questionable. Don't even get me started on being a good wife.
The question to myself has been, "at what point am I better, or when do I just accept that I am a human "being" not a human "doing" or as a friend once said, "I am doing the best that I can".
As a disclaimer, to many very well written - God inspired books, I have benefitted greatly from their tips, suggestions and comradery because knowing I'm not doing this life alone brings great comfort. However, because of my filters, I could easily end up defeated, not so encouraged, because I would caught up in the comparison game as well as feeling that I'll never be able to live by all the suggestions. Also, if I'm honest, it's much easier to read a how to book, than to get into God's word, be still and wait for Him to speak, allow the Holy Spirit to encourage and convict and praise God that I have been regenerated, renewed and then allow the perfect life of Christ to live through me and the power of Holy Spirit living in me to equip, guide and direct my path. Best of all, I could REST in his AMAZING GRACE that never condemns, never expects, but instead has expectancy of me that I will get it right at times, but its okay if I don't.
Also, the great principle I have learned from my pastor is that God has chosen me, with all my flaws, wrinkles, imperfections, short temper, easily distracted, undisciplined, selfish (you fill in the blanks), self to further His kingdom here on earth. Which isn't some vague command, it's simply to glorify God in the circumference of the space He has placed me.
I have the ability to influence my world (no matter how big or small) for Christ. Since, I am a full-time Mom and part time group exercise instructor, my world isn't really that huge. That doesn't disappoint me. I have found I don't do well with lots of space and people in my life. I am an extrovert and I love meeting new people of all shapes, sizes and colors. However, I do well to minister to a few rather than the masses. Because my family requires alot of time, my sweet non-believing friends desire alot of my time and even my few close friends and I rarely get consistant time together, I stay busy.
So, I will probably never be speaking, writing alot or running any ministry groups. I have learned that I need to nurture exactly what God has given me to the best of my ability. Perhaps that might change one day, but I'm not seeking it out. As you age, you see how the mundane things in life have equipped you to handle the bigger things in life. How we live in the mundane really determines how we handle the non-mundane challenges we face.
Now, I wake up and ask God what my mission is for that particular day.
I just returned from a fitness convention. I sat in lectures, learned about new fitness trends as well as safety and nutritional information. I loved everything I learned. I wanted more! I realized this is an area God has given me in my life that I seem to thrive inside of. So many argue that fitness isn't very "spiritual". Of course, I could justify it with the verse, "your body is the temple of God", which it is. But teaching group exercise isn't exactly "religious", especially when your teaching Zumba which is dance (said with fingers pointing at me) SMILE! I might agree with that except, I don't look at my classes as just an hour to dance or workout. I see my classes as a place to meet people that aren't in my personal circles and hopefully, love, encourage, enjoy and learn from. And, if the presence of God is living in me, (which He is), the fresh aroma of who He is will oxygenate (give life) those I come in contact with. That isn't limited only to my classes, but also my family, friends and neighbors.
As my perspective of my purpose in life has been corrected, I now live seeing every opportunity as a chance to "be Jesus" in a dying, desperate, hopeless world, my world. A friend from our small group wrote a book, Ten Foot World, A Call to Influence by J.D. Sluiter.
It hasn't made it to the New York Time best sellers list, but it should. It's a book about the call on every Christian's life. Its inspiring and challenging. Probably one of the best books I've read, although in his humility Jack would smile as if I was just being nice.
So,what have I replaced my self help with? Because, I do still have "issues". For example, when I lose it with my kids, forget to call a close friend on their birthday, doubt my self, abilities and talents, mess something up, do too many things last minute, struggle with jealousy or anger, I don't stay in that messy place. I confess it all to my God who has already seen it, ask forgiveness of those I have hurt or disappointed, keep my flesh on a short leash by living according to God's word and listen to His correction and allow myself to be a sinner in constant need of Grace. Thankfully, His mercies are new every morning. I have trained my mind that when I hear those condemning voices to remember that "there is therefore no condemnation in Christ" so, I reject those lies and live by truth "greater is He that is in me, than He that is in the world."
As my pastor reminds us every week I live...UPWARD - knowing that God loves me completely (mistakes and all), INWARD - I love myself correctly, based on how God loves me and OUTWARD - I love other compassionately because I know who I am in Christ and I can extend grace and love to those who need Christ's love, acceptance and forgiveness.
Link to Jack Sluiter's Book: http://www.amazon.com/J.D.-Sluiter/e/B0072KZYS4
The question to myself has been, "at what point am I better, or when do I just accept that I am a human "being" not a human "doing" or as a friend once said, "I am doing the best that I can".
As a disclaimer, to many very well written - God inspired books, I have benefitted greatly from their tips, suggestions and comradery because knowing I'm not doing this life alone brings great comfort. However, because of my filters, I could easily end up defeated, not so encouraged, because I would caught up in the comparison game as well as feeling that I'll never be able to live by all the suggestions. Also, if I'm honest, it's much easier to read a how to book, than to get into God's word, be still and wait for Him to speak, allow the Holy Spirit to encourage and convict and praise God that I have been regenerated, renewed and then allow the perfect life of Christ to live through me and the power of Holy Spirit living in me to equip, guide and direct my path. Best of all, I could REST in his AMAZING GRACE that never condemns, never expects, but instead has expectancy of me that I will get it right at times, but its okay if I don't.
Also, the great principle I have learned from my pastor is that God has chosen me, with all my flaws, wrinkles, imperfections, short temper, easily distracted, undisciplined, selfish (you fill in the blanks), self to further His kingdom here on earth. Which isn't some vague command, it's simply to glorify God in the circumference of the space He has placed me.
I have the ability to influence my world (no matter how big or small) for Christ. Since, I am a full-time Mom and part time group exercise instructor, my world isn't really that huge. That doesn't disappoint me. I have found I don't do well with lots of space and people in my life. I am an extrovert and I love meeting new people of all shapes, sizes and colors. However, I do well to minister to a few rather than the masses. Because my family requires alot of time, my sweet non-believing friends desire alot of my time and even my few close friends and I rarely get consistant time together, I stay busy.
So, I will probably never be speaking, writing alot or running any ministry groups. I have learned that I need to nurture exactly what God has given me to the best of my ability. Perhaps that might change one day, but I'm not seeking it out. As you age, you see how the mundane things in life have equipped you to handle the bigger things in life. How we live in the mundane really determines how we handle the non-mundane challenges we face.
Now, I wake up and ask God what my mission is for that particular day.
I just returned from a fitness convention. I sat in lectures, learned about new fitness trends as well as safety and nutritional information. I loved everything I learned. I wanted more! I realized this is an area God has given me in my life that I seem to thrive inside of. So many argue that fitness isn't very "spiritual". Of course, I could justify it with the verse, "your body is the temple of God", which it is. But teaching group exercise isn't exactly "religious", especially when your teaching Zumba which is dance (said with fingers pointing at me) SMILE! I might agree with that except, I don't look at my classes as just an hour to dance or workout. I see my classes as a place to meet people that aren't in my personal circles and hopefully, love, encourage, enjoy and learn from. And, if the presence of God is living in me, (which He is), the fresh aroma of who He is will oxygenate (give life) those I come in contact with. That isn't limited only to my classes, but also my family, friends and neighbors.
 |
It hasn't made it to the New York Time best sellers list, but it should. It's a book about the call on every Christian's life. Its inspiring and challenging. Probably one of the best books I've read, although in his humility Jack would smile as if I was just being nice.
So,what have I replaced my self help with? Because, I do still have "issues". For example, when I lose it with my kids, forget to call a close friend on their birthday, doubt my self, abilities and talents, mess something up, do too many things last minute, struggle with jealousy or anger, I don't stay in that messy place. I confess it all to my God who has already seen it, ask forgiveness of those I have hurt or disappointed, keep my flesh on a short leash by living according to God's word and listen to His correction and allow myself to be a sinner in constant need of Grace. Thankfully, His mercies are new every morning. I have trained my mind that when I hear those condemning voices to remember that "there is therefore no condemnation in Christ" so, I reject those lies and live by truth "greater is He that is in me, than He that is in the world."
As my pastor reminds us every week I live...UPWARD - knowing that God loves me completely (mistakes and all), INWARD - I love myself correctly, based on how God loves me and OUTWARD - I love other compassionately because I know who I am in Christ and I can extend grace and love to those who need Christ's love, acceptance and forgiveness.
For More on:
WHAT’S THIS “UPWARD, INWARD, OUTWARD” THING?
When Jesus was asked, “What is the most important commandment?” He
said we are to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength,
and to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39). This is the
Jewish Shema (Deut. 6:4-9 & Lev. 18:19).
Notice the progression: love God (Upward), love yourself (Inward), love your neighbor (Outward).
Therefore, the goal of discipleship...is to
join the Holy Spirit in creating Jesus look-alikes who grow in “Upward,
Inward, Outward.”
Marinate on that,
Pastor Derwin
http://www.derwinlgray.com/category/church-vision/Link to Jack Sluiter's Book: http://www.amazon.com/J.D.-Sluiter/e/B0072KZYS4
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Feeling Alive Again!
I feel like I have walked
in a dark for over 3 years. Hallelujah, for the first time after many
years of frustration, exhaustion, guilt and a myriad of emotions, I am
finally back to the woman I knew I was but couldn't seem to find. I
wondered in those dark, tiresome days if I would ever get back the
passion and energy for life that used to define me. So many trials
and struggles wrecked me physically and put me in a state of physical
and psychological depression. I could detail days and moments that I
wondered, "how can I get out of bed? How and I going to get kids where
they need to be? How can I do my job as homemaker?" "I'm sorry" seemed to
be the words that rolled out all the time. I would pray and ask for
healing. I would be so disconnected from God and everyone. I just
struggled to exist. I was angry that my body was not in cooperation with my
spirit. "This is ridiculous", I would cry out "I do all the right things, exercise and eat healthy, this just isn't fair".
I have since learned, as my dad always would say, "Life isn't fair". While I love that Americans believethat all our dreams can come true, with a little hard work and determination and that you can make a great life for yourself it seems to cost of that can sometimes be to high. True, we have so much opportunity and possibility in our American world. However, I have seen in my life and others, that women especially, are no longer content to just be at home, just be a mother, wife or homemaker. The world around us calls us out to be more. Even in our churches, we can feel pressure to be a "successful" Christian and if we aren't careful we can become undone, unless we put boundries around our lives and families.
I have wanted to publicly share my struggle with an awful condition called depression. During an over 3 year period of dealing with it, I found my self hopeless. I would talk to friends, hoping to find some answers or reasons as to why I was in that place. Many would tell me I was doing too much. I would always have an excuse as to why I had too. I have written previous posts that tell about our family, especially how we expanded not only our numbers, but our actual home. In a nutshell, the energizer bunny as I believed myself to be, couldn't handle all that I took on. Some was out of my control but some was not. I always believed I could handle anything, despite the observation from friends that I was attempting to do way too many things. Honestly, I liked being busy to some point. It may me feel needed and wanted. I would learn and am still learning that I was looking in the wrong place for what was already given to me. See, I "knew" I was dearly loved by God, I knew he sacrificed everything to reconcile me from my brokenness due to my sinful self. But, because He offered it free and didn't make me earn it, Grace seemed too simple. I grew up a Baptist and I was use to rewards and ribbons and prizes for doing the right things. I quickly equated that doing good things meant rewards and recognition. I liked those kudos. Surely God must be impressed by how I was living my life now, right? The guilt of falling short in my works of being all the right things to God and others was a burden that I could not bear. Being someone who like to garden, I knew that these symptoms represented a "root" cause. Until, that root was found and removed, like crabgrass, its tenacles would spread of out control. And, so they did.
The physical damage was evidence of my spiritual problem. The whispers I finally agreed to acknowledge were: slow down, you are doing too much, let some things go and the loudest one, "Be Still and Know that I am God". Last summer, when I was literally laid up due to bizarre issues, God was able to speak directly to my heart. He revealed that I was chasing after good things, but missing the best thing. I needed to just get in the Word and let Him speak to me. Its funny when you are desperate, how open you are to hearing God. His living water filled me. It nourished my soul and gave me back hope. I decided that I don't want to be chasing after anything but Him. I want to have boundries that keep me from drifting away from my source of life. I love a song that says, "I need you Jesus to come to my rescue, where else can I go. There's no other name by which I am saved, capture me with Grace...I will follow you." I had never been captured by His Grace before. I thank God for bringing us to a church family where Grace was not only communicated from our pastor every single Sunday, but also demonstrated when I finally decided I needed step down from responsibilities. I was so grateful that I was told I needed to take time to get better and that they cared more about me that what I could do for them. Never before had anyone previously to this make me feel it was okay to not feel okay. I am grateful for the two women that poured healing waters over me. (thank you Angie and Vicki).
I was on Amazon one day and saw a book called, "Not a Fan". This book helped me understand the difference of following Christ and not just being a Fan of His. There is a huge difference. I was so encourage and convicted through this principle I told God, I wanted to be "All In". I either wanted to be a true Christ follower or not call myself a Christian. It seems hypocrisy consumes our world now, its root is deception, whose root is Satan. I didn't want to be deceived any longer.
One practical step I looked into was what possible physical effects were a result of living on the edge. I had blood work done and started some therapy that I believe has repaired the results of being stressed out. This has greatly helped to bring back my energy and alertness. The fog was clearing. I must comment here... because we all are multi-faceted, we have to address all the parts of the wonderful creation we are. God has made us not only spiritual beings in His image, but we are physical, emotional, mental as well. I used to not allow myself to believe that. I thought everything was just a spiritual issue and if I got that straightenend out the rest would follow. And, it did. Mine occured because I humbled myself to listen to the advice of wise physicians that knew how I am physically wired. I thank God I was able to get the help I needed physically but that would only be temporary if the spiritual relationship with God was not correct.
I never believed I would thank God for the depression in my life. I was angry and resentful during the dark days of this condition. I felt like I didn't deserve this condition. Now, when I read that ...God knows the plans He has for us and...He makes all things work together for good for those who are in Christ Jesus, I know that He can, that He will and that He already has.
I am a pretty outgoing person,I love people. love being with others and long for community with others. I am a true extrovert which made living like an introvert during tough days not pleasant. Also, knowing that there might be days ahead when the auto-immune condition I have isn't in remission and may physically change my state of being, I have to be prepared to live out these verses that have carried me through this far. I know joy even when circumstances aren't fun. I know peace when life is in total chaos. But, most of all, I know my Savior, the lover of my soul loves me unconditionally. If I never "do" another thing" for Him, or attempt to "please" Him in anyway, I am loved and accepted Him no matter what.
Being a pretty simple person, I hang onto the simplicity of the gospel. Anything I would add to Grace would take away from the amazingness of it. Why would I want to do that. I have heard that song all my life. I now "get" it. I was privileged to grow up in a home where my entire family is believers. I have also been given a lot of biblical knowledge. However, I have since heard that, if I am not applying all the principles that already know, then there is no need to add more knowledge to my bank. I love God's living word and I still read it and new things are revealed to me. But, my prayer isn't for "more". My prayers is surrender. "God, of all I know about you already, allow the truth of your word to permeate every cell in my being. Let me remember that you love me completly, unconditionally and I can love myself correctly. Now let me love those around me compassionately." I cannot do that in reverse. To try and love others without the love of God in me,I will fail! I can't love others in my own strength. I want Christ in me to bring His kingdom to earth (His Kingdom: Him being glorified here on earth as He is glorified in Heaven). Lastly, to those that don't know what it means to be in Christ, this will sound like a self help technique in some way. Sadly, self-help doesn't work. If it did, we wouldn't need a billion books written on it, one would suffice. Well, one does suffice for all we need, the Living Word of God.
My whole desire in writing this, is to encourage anyone out there that feels alone in this. I did. I didn't think anyone could even begin to relate to what I was dealing with. It can be a very lonely place. I hope and pray you can believe God for deliverance in His timing. Realizing it will be good one day. That you may look back and say, "okay this really is hard right now, but I will trust you God that you will use it for good". He will!!
I have since learned, as my dad always would say, "Life isn't fair". While I love that Americans believethat all our dreams can come true, with a little hard work and determination and that you can make a great life for yourself it seems to cost of that can sometimes be to high. True, we have so much opportunity and possibility in our American world. However, I have seen in my life and others, that women especially, are no longer content to just be at home, just be a mother, wife or homemaker. The world around us calls us out to be more. Even in our churches, we can feel pressure to be a "successful" Christian and if we aren't careful we can become undone, unless we put boundries around our lives and families.
I have wanted to publicly share my struggle with an awful condition called depression. During an over 3 year period of dealing with it, I found my self hopeless. I would talk to friends, hoping to find some answers or reasons as to why I was in that place. Many would tell me I was doing too much. I would always have an excuse as to why I had too. I have written previous posts that tell about our family, especially how we expanded not only our numbers, but our actual home. In a nutshell, the energizer bunny as I believed myself to be, couldn't handle all that I took on. Some was out of my control but some was not. I always believed I could handle anything, despite the observation from friends that I was attempting to do way too many things. Honestly, I liked being busy to some point. It may me feel needed and wanted. I would learn and am still learning that I was looking in the wrong place for what was already given to me. See, I "knew" I was dearly loved by God, I knew he sacrificed everything to reconcile me from my brokenness due to my sinful self. But, because He offered it free and didn't make me earn it, Grace seemed too simple. I grew up a Baptist and I was use to rewards and ribbons and prizes for doing the right things. I quickly equated that doing good things meant rewards and recognition. I liked those kudos. Surely God must be impressed by how I was living my life now, right? The guilt of falling short in my works of being all the right things to God and others was a burden that I could not bear. Being someone who like to garden, I knew that these symptoms represented a "root" cause. Until, that root was found and removed, like crabgrass, its tenacles would spread of out control. And, so they did.
The physical damage was evidence of my spiritual problem. The whispers I finally agreed to acknowledge were: slow down, you are doing too much, let some things go and the loudest one, "Be Still and Know that I am God". Last summer, when I was literally laid up due to bizarre issues, God was able to speak directly to my heart. He revealed that I was chasing after good things, but missing the best thing. I needed to just get in the Word and let Him speak to me. Its funny when you are desperate, how open you are to hearing God. His living water filled me. It nourished my soul and gave me back hope. I decided that I don't want to be chasing after anything but Him. I want to have boundries that keep me from drifting away from my source of life. I love a song that says, "I need you Jesus to come to my rescue, where else can I go. There's no other name by which I am saved, capture me with Grace...I will follow you." I had never been captured by His Grace before. I thank God for bringing us to a church family where Grace was not only communicated from our pastor every single Sunday, but also demonstrated when I finally decided I needed step down from responsibilities. I was so grateful that I was told I needed to take time to get better and that they cared more about me that what I could do for them. Never before had anyone previously to this make me feel it was okay to not feel okay. I am grateful for the two women that poured healing waters over me. (thank you Angie and Vicki).
I was on Amazon one day and saw a book called, "Not a Fan". This book helped me understand the difference of following Christ and not just being a Fan of His. There is a huge difference. I was so encourage and convicted through this principle I told God, I wanted to be "All In". I either wanted to be a true Christ follower or not call myself a Christian. It seems hypocrisy consumes our world now, its root is deception, whose root is Satan. I didn't want to be deceived any longer.
One practical step I looked into was what possible physical effects were a result of living on the edge. I had blood work done and started some therapy that I believe has repaired the results of being stressed out. This has greatly helped to bring back my energy and alertness. The fog was clearing. I must comment here... because we all are multi-faceted, we have to address all the parts of the wonderful creation we are. God has made us not only spiritual beings in His image, but we are physical, emotional, mental as well. I used to not allow myself to believe that. I thought everything was just a spiritual issue and if I got that straightenend out the rest would follow. And, it did. Mine occured because I humbled myself to listen to the advice of wise physicians that knew how I am physically wired. I thank God I was able to get the help I needed physically but that would only be temporary if the spiritual relationship with God was not correct.
I never believed I would thank God for the depression in my life. I was angry and resentful during the dark days of this condition. I felt like I didn't deserve this condition. Now, when I read that ...God knows the plans He has for us and...He makes all things work together for good for those who are in Christ Jesus, I know that He can, that He will and that He already has.
I am a pretty outgoing person,I love people. love being with others and long for community with others. I am a true extrovert which made living like an introvert during tough days not pleasant. Also, knowing that there might be days ahead when the auto-immune condition I have isn't in remission and may physically change my state of being, I have to be prepared to live out these verses that have carried me through this far. I know joy even when circumstances aren't fun. I know peace when life is in total chaos. But, most of all, I know my Savior, the lover of my soul loves me unconditionally. If I never "do" another thing" for Him, or attempt to "please" Him in anyway, I am loved and accepted Him no matter what.
My whole desire in writing this, is to encourage anyone out there that feels alone in this. I did. I didn't think anyone could even begin to relate to what I was dealing with. It can be a very lonely place. I hope and pray you can believe God for deliverance in His timing. Realizing it will be good one day. That you may look back and say, "okay this really is hard right now, but I will trust you God that you will use it for good". He will!!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
New Sight for Josh
Once again, Christmas time became somewhat of a whirlwind. The amazing surgeon that God, I believe, led us to decided we should go ahead and get Josh's surgery done over the holiday break. So, I scrambled to get his appointments made, forms completed as soon as he came home. He also wanted to retake his drivers test for his license. He had gone once and failed, to both of our surprise. David also took him the day before surgery and he failed again. The agent said he was about to go through a red light. WHAT? Josh is a good driver and I could only think that perhaps he was being protected by God for some reason when he couldn't pass. It was not only bizarre, but frustrating for him.
I took him the following day for surgery. I knew his eyes were bothering him, but he didn't think they were really bad. Dr. Biber (his amazing surgeon) had called me and told me that h had done research on Josh's situation and felt like a toric lens that would correct Josh's astigmatism would be a good choice for him. It would eliminate his need for nearsighted correction and he would only need reading glasses instead of bifocals. Because Josh is only 16, we totally agreed with this reasoning.
In the surgical area, the nurses and and staff couldn't have been more friendly. They had read Josh's medical history and wanted to know about his accident. Once again, an opportunity to give God the due glory for saving Josh last summer.
The surgery went quick, he recovered well and we headed home. As we left the parking garage, Josh was overwhelmed! He couldn't stop talking about how clearly he could see. He said, "it's like seeing in HD". When we came to a stop light, Josh said, " whoa, now I know why I failed my driving test. I couldn't see the red light. He couldn't see alot. My hunch was right. God was protecting him. He really couldn't see.
A few days later, Josh took his test and the agent said he was one of the best drivers he tested and wished all his students were like Josh! I was thankful he got that affirmation. He was so disappointed the first two times.
So many lessons can be gleaned from his experiences. He and I talked about his charisma. This gift God has given him and how it can be used positively or negatively for the furthering of God's glory.
In so many ways I learn about myself through my children. As Mary treasured and pondered the role she would play in the Savior of the world, I hope that I might ponder these things in my life and let God use me in some way to be a part of His plans. That, as a mom, I embrace the role of influence over my kids lives and use it to bring God's love to those around us that are longing for the emptiness to be filled in their lives.
I took him the following day for surgery. I knew his eyes were bothering him, but he didn't think they were really bad. Dr. Biber (his amazing surgeon) had called me and told me that h had done research on Josh's situation and felt like a toric lens that would correct Josh's astigmatism would be a good choice for him. It would eliminate his need for nearsighted correction and he would only need reading glasses instead of bifocals. Because Josh is only 16, we totally agreed with this reasoning.
In the surgical area, the nurses and and staff couldn't have been more friendly. They had read Josh's medical history and wanted to know about his accident. Once again, an opportunity to give God the due glory for saving Josh last summer.
The surgery went quick, he recovered well and we headed home. As we left the parking garage, Josh was overwhelmed! He couldn't stop talking about how clearly he could see. He said, "it's like seeing in HD". When we came to a stop light, Josh said, " whoa, now I know why I failed my driving test. I couldn't see the red light. He couldn't see alot. My hunch was right. God was protecting him. He really couldn't see.
A few days later, Josh took his test and the agent said he was one of the best drivers he tested and wished all his students were like Josh! I was thankful he got that affirmation. He was so disappointed the first two times.
So many lessons can be gleaned from his experiences. He and I talked about his charisma. This gift God has given him and how it can be used positively or negatively for the furthering of God's glory.
In so many ways I learn about myself through my children. As Mary treasured and pondered the role she would play in the Savior of the world, I hope that I might ponder these things in my life and let God use me in some way to be a part of His plans. That, as a mom, I embrace the role of influence over my kids lives and use it to bring God's love to those around us that are longing for the emptiness to be filled in their lives.
More Josh...
For those of you that have following Josh's story, I thought it would great to give you some more details about some remarkable developments in his life. I use the adjective "remarkable" because even though this is not what we were expecting, we are seeing God's hand in His life and we expectantly wait to see His plans unfold for Josh!
Many of you know that Josh is diagnosed with ADD. I comment that he is a poster child for this condition. I don't cringe to state that, because I know that it isn't a negative, rather an attribute we choose to embrace and recognize how it affects Josh the amazing young man he is. We further more will never use it as a label or excuse because his identity is not based in that. He is a Christ follower who believes in the transforming power of Jesus Christ.
Josh decided last spring that he wanted to attend Camden Military Academy. For many reasons, this type of school is a great choice for him and many other young men there. With the structure and discipline of the military style, this helps him greatly with the challenges of ADD. In fact, he is able to be there and not take his meds. This is a great accomplishment.
Before Josh left in August, we took him for his physical. His doctor told us he needed an eye exam. We saw the doctor and found out he needed glasses. His vision just needed minor correction. After a few months he was complaining of glare and foggieness with his sight. So, over his Thanksgiving furlough, we took him back to the Optometrist. To all of our surprise, he told Josh that he had cateracts. We were all a little stunned. My thoughts went to his electrocution accident. The doctor agreed that it was most likely from the electrocution. My heart sank.
Josh's goal is to join the military upon graduation. He loves being a practice soldier at school and was excited about becoming a true soldier. We love his passion for Justice, Honor and Patriotism. We believe those are traits that some young men strongly value. My friends that have young men in the service say they were born soldiers. I believe that describes Josh as well.
What amazes me about him, is his response to all of this was, "well, I guess I'll be a plumber in the army". Because of his condition and the strict limitations of the military, his choices he knew would now be limited. I recently discovered that his chances of even being recruited have become very slim. Thankfully, my God deals in the impossible!
It's hard to see your child's dreams and desires crushed. But, I've seen my own well laid plans eroded. What I thought was the best route for my life, God changed. It was only until later that I could see that His plan for me was much better and more beneficial. With Josh, I have faith that what he thinks he wants, may change because God has something much bigger and beneficial for Josh.
Josh is a gift to David and I, and to those who know him. He has such a zest for life and charisma that touches everyone that knows him. We see these gifts in him as tools to further God's message of hope and salvation to the world. I am continually thankful that I get to see God visibly work in my child's life. It serves as a constant reminder to me that God is a personal, loving and caring God that desires to be personally involved in my life, when I surrender my life totally to Him. I can't wait to write more of what God does in the life of my son. I am learning so much through the life of this child.
Many of you know that Josh is diagnosed with ADD. I comment that he is a poster child for this condition. I don't cringe to state that, because I know that it isn't a negative, rather an attribute we choose to embrace and recognize how it affects Josh the amazing young man he is. We further more will never use it as a label or excuse because his identity is not based in that. He is a Christ follower who believes in the transforming power of Jesus Christ.
Josh decided last spring that he wanted to attend Camden Military Academy. For many reasons, this type of school is a great choice for him and many other young men there. With the structure and discipline of the military style, this helps him greatly with the challenges of ADD. In fact, he is able to be there and not take his meds. This is a great accomplishment.
Before Josh left in August, we took him for his physical. His doctor told us he needed an eye exam. We saw the doctor and found out he needed glasses. His vision just needed minor correction. After a few months he was complaining of glare and foggieness with his sight. So, over his Thanksgiving furlough, we took him back to the Optometrist. To all of our surprise, he told Josh that he had cateracts. We were all a little stunned. My thoughts went to his electrocution accident. The doctor agreed that it was most likely from the electrocution. My heart sank.
Josh's goal is to join the military upon graduation. He loves being a practice soldier at school and was excited about becoming a true soldier. We love his passion for Justice, Honor and Patriotism. We believe those are traits that some young men strongly value. My friends that have young men in the service say they were born soldiers. I believe that describes Josh as well.
What amazes me about him, is his response to all of this was, "well, I guess I'll be a plumber in the army". Because of his condition and the strict limitations of the military, his choices he knew would now be limited. I recently discovered that his chances of even being recruited have become very slim. Thankfully, my God deals in the impossible!
It's hard to see your child's dreams and desires crushed. But, I've seen my own well laid plans eroded. What I thought was the best route for my life, God changed. It was only until later that I could see that His plan for me was much better and more beneficial. With Josh, I have faith that what he thinks he wants, may change because God has something much bigger and beneficial for Josh.
Josh is a gift to David and I, and to those who know him. He has such a zest for life and charisma that touches everyone that knows him. We see these gifts in him as tools to further God's message of hope and salvation to the world. I am continually thankful that I get to see God visibly work in my child's life. It serves as a constant reminder to me that God is a personal, loving and caring God that desires to be personally involved in my life, when I surrender my life totally to Him. I can't wait to write more of what God does in the life of my son. I am learning so much through the life of this child.
Tis the season...to lose it! UGH!
I've struggled through this holiday. I was trying to NOT get caught in the tyranny of the urgent, to avoid the stress of getting the right gifts for the kids or making sure I was spreading it all out equally while resisting urges to surcome to all the marketing and "must have-great deals, one time only". Well, its another year when I must have unconciously sold my self control for a bargin on Craigslist and I'm not positive, but I think my resolve is lost somewhere online with free shipping.
I wish I could say that my heart made a u-turn and my flesh was revealed for what it really is when I confessed my weaknesses to God and allowed His grace to heal me. Instead, I acted like a bitter,resentful angry elf. I was snapping at my very generous husband, making him feel guilty for wanting to give gifts to his children. I ridiculed and fought with my beautiful 14 year old whose energy and joy just annoyed me. Emotionally, I was a wreck. My ADD was running wild with a vengeance just looking to attack someone for making me feel so overwhelmed and I really wanted to run away.
I desperately was trying in my own strength to be happy. But, I teetered between fun and furious. Also,as a good mom does, I was reminding everyone (in a rather biting tone) to be thankful and mindful of Christ and the holiday we celebrate. But, my erratic actions spoke louder than my words. So, I medicated myself with web-surfing and distraction while shutting down the small, still voice in my heart that was whispering: "It's okay, I understand and most of all...My birthday is a reminder to you of my love and sacrifice. I didn't come to comdemn the world (or you) but to save you - even from yourself." (Becky's amplified version). See John 3:17-21.
As I layed in bed, exhausted and embarrassed, I asked God, "what do you say, Father, what can you do with this wretched, confused heart. I hate the way Christmas has become a stressed filled time of year, when those of us with so much go out and buy more stuff to fill our already full homes. Why can't I be thankful for the blessings you have poured out on us? We give alot away, but still it just doesn't seem like we do enough. In a twisted way, no matter what I say or think, we have too much and most of the world has too little. I feel torn, what is yor response Father. I don't want to justify my way of life, but you have put me in this culture, how do I navigate through it?
A verse that came to my heart surprised me.
Phillipians 4:12-13 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
I love the living word of God! Sadly, I struggle not with being without, rather with having too much! For some reason, while growing up in church, it seems I gleaned out of religion, unhealthy doses of guilt. Guilt that I "have" and others don't. Guilt that life is not fair and somehow I am part of the problem. Therefore, I don't know how to be in a state of "abounding" and be content. (don't be fooled by that humble sounding statement). Just being American makes me "rich" on so many levels. After seeing poverty and need, on mission trips, I have struggled with my guilt and being content as an American. This verse clears up for me, that God doesn't want me to live in a state of guilt, but contentment! Paul was a religious wealthy Jew, he says he "learned" the secret of contentment. This would imply that it doesn't just come naturally as a Christ follower. So, perhaps I'm still in school and haven't learned the "secret" yet. But, like Paul I know God will reveal it to me. Secrets are shared in intimate relationships. God has already spoken to my heart, encouraging me that I can be content in the radical and mundane.
Many struggling Christians around the world pray for American Christians. Their prayer is that we don't allow our abundance to distract us from the simplicity of Christ and the gospel. The gift of our salvation. While all us as servants of the Most High will struggle in this world, this world isn't our home. We will face trials and tribulations. But, we don't have to face them alone.
Hind sight is 20/20. I have decided to evalutate what drove me to the ugliness of sin. Besides the obvious struggles in my flesh, I didn't plan very well. I flew by the seat of my pants and when the trials came, like they do, I wasn't prepared for battle so, I leaned on my own resources to survive.
With a heart to heart conversation with my kids, reminding us who we are and what it is we are celebrating, as well as, deciding ahead of time with my husband what we want our celebration to look like, perhaps next year can be more honoring to the King of Glory who left His Father to become a man born in a barn.
Happy Birthday Jesus! How my heart desires to be a faithful servant no matter what my circumstances! In plenty or in need, I want to know the secret of contentment!
I wish I could say that my heart made a u-turn and my flesh was revealed for what it really is when I confessed my weaknesses to God and allowed His grace to heal me. Instead, I acted like a bitter,resentful angry elf. I was snapping at my very generous husband, making him feel guilty for wanting to give gifts to his children. I ridiculed and fought with my beautiful 14 year old whose energy and joy just annoyed me. Emotionally, I was a wreck. My ADD was running wild with a vengeance just looking to attack someone for making me feel so overwhelmed and I really wanted to run away.
I desperately was trying in my own strength to be happy. But, I teetered between fun and furious. Also,as a good mom does, I was reminding everyone (in a rather biting tone) to be thankful and mindful of Christ and the holiday we celebrate. But, my erratic actions spoke louder than my words. So, I medicated myself with web-surfing and distraction while shutting down the small, still voice in my heart that was whispering: "It's okay, I understand and most of all...My birthday is a reminder to you of my love and sacrifice. I didn't come to comdemn the world (or you) but to save you - even from yourself." (Becky's amplified version). See John 3:17-21.
As I layed in bed, exhausted and embarrassed, I asked God, "what do you say, Father, what can you do with this wretched, confused heart. I hate the way Christmas has become a stressed filled time of year, when those of us with so much go out and buy more stuff to fill our already full homes. Why can't I be thankful for the blessings you have poured out on us? We give alot away, but still it just doesn't seem like we do enough. In a twisted way, no matter what I say or think, we have too much and most of the world has too little. I feel torn, what is yor response Father. I don't want to justify my way of life, but you have put me in this culture, how do I navigate through it?
A verse that came to my heart surprised me.
Phillipians 4:12-13 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
I love the living word of God! Sadly, I struggle not with being without, rather with having too much! For some reason, while growing up in church, it seems I gleaned out of religion, unhealthy doses of guilt. Guilt that I "have" and others don't. Guilt that life is not fair and somehow I am part of the problem. Therefore, I don't know how to be in a state of "abounding" and be content. (don't be fooled by that humble sounding statement). Just being American makes me "rich" on so many levels. After seeing poverty and need, on mission trips, I have struggled with my guilt and being content as an American. This verse clears up for me, that God doesn't want me to live in a state of guilt, but contentment! Paul was a religious wealthy Jew, he says he "learned" the secret of contentment. This would imply that it doesn't just come naturally as a Christ follower. So, perhaps I'm still in school and haven't learned the "secret" yet. But, like Paul I know God will reveal it to me. Secrets are shared in intimate relationships. God has already spoken to my heart, encouraging me that I can be content in the radical and mundane.
Many struggling Christians around the world pray for American Christians. Their prayer is that we don't allow our abundance to distract us from the simplicity of Christ and the gospel. The gift of our salvation. While all us as servants of the Most High will struggle in this world, this world isn't our home. We will face trials and tribulations. But, we don't have to face them alone.
Hind sight is 20/20. I have decided to evalutate what drove me to the ugliness of sin. Besides the obvious struggles in my flesh, I didn't plan very well. I flew by the seat of my pants and when the trials came, like they do, I wasn't prepared for battle so, I leaned on my own resources to survive.
With a heart to heart conversation with my kids, reminding us who we are and what it is we are celebrating, as well as, deciding ahead of time with my husband what we want our celebration to look like, perhaps next year can be more honoring to the King of Glory who left His Father to become a man born in a barn.
Happy Birthday Jesus! How my heart desires to be a faithful servant no matter what my circumstances! In plenty or in need, I want to know the secret of contentment!
Thursday, November 03, 2011
I am a Confident Woman...NOT!
If you are anything like me,some days I can be so full of confidence and excitement about what is going on in my life and within less than 24 hours, I can feel the exact opposite. Not only can the disappointment feel like a crushing weight, but the lack of consistency causes haunting doubts and frustration. When God lead me, I believe, to a verse in the New Testament, it quickly made me realize why I am stumbling in this area. It says, Such is the confidence we have though Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God. 2 Corinthians 3:4-5
Several obvious points jumped off the page.
From there, we might proceed to criticizing ourselves or others. Next, blame creeps in and says, "you're okay, it's just someone else's shortcoming that made you react or act how you did". The slippery slope continues and can eventually lead to separation, condemnation and even self loathing.
Why would I chose not to rely on the Creator of the Universe (who is my personal creator) for all my needs? Why does trusting human strength seem so much easier then relying on God's sufficiency? After all, He promises to give it to us, no strings attached.
I have personally seen God work in this area of my life. I should say "working" because I am a work in progress. I have walked through some physical and emotional shortcomings that caused me to feel totally insufficient in most areas of my life. During a very stressful place in my life, I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder. It wrecked me physically and drained my physical energy, which affected my emotional being and of course, spilled over into every relationship in my life. The once "energizer bunny" became depressed, tired and unable to be productive like I always had been I became dependent and hated that feeling. As my doctor relayed to me the details and protocol for managing this, I cringed! I am not big on taking medicine (even though my husband is in the pharmaceutical industry) but, I had no choice. I had a regimen for keeping my colitis in remission. Another blow came when I was diagnosed with depression. Isn't that for wimps, I thought? Apparently, I was going to have to accept the changes in my life. So,I stubbornly submitted to my diagnosis of depression,which made me more depressed, because I didn't like the "idea" of being depressed. I now see that God was allowing me to clearly see that I am not in control, nor have I ever been. It has totally changed my perspective and I am thankful for the freedom to let go.
As I worked through the many changes of my once healthy lifestyle, I let go of my ideas of what I was and who I thought I deserved to be. As a group exercise instructor, I had always eaten healthy, exercised, tried to avoid junk food, caffeine or anything else that might not be physically good for me. Honestly, I took pride in my chosen lifestyle and enjoyed the compliments about my commitment to "stay in shape".
I eventually could see how God was using my struggles to help me acknowledge that I needed Him that I wasn't sufficient on my own. He created me with a void that only He can fill. I am so thankful that He then gave me Himself to fill that God-shaped void.
In His patience with me, He allowed me to fill it with things that I thought would work. But, eventually my resources were...insufficient. How could anything I chose to do or not do replace GOD's presence in my life? I hope you will be encouraged through my personal struggles and choose to lay aside your "agenda", strength or sufficiency and surrender to God. First, as to accepting His life as a payment for your sin and then as you accept Him into your life, you will be filled to overflowing with His presence. His presence will be all you need. Look at the following verses from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10,
But to keep me from being puffed up with pride because of the many wonderful things I saw, I was given a painful physical ailment, which acts as Satan's messenger to beat me and keep me from being proud. Three times I prayed to the Lord about this and asked him to take it away.But his answer was:My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak. I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ's power over me. I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong..
I know some would say, that is upside down. According to worldly philosophies, I would totally agree. But, having done it both ways. I can guarantee that living in the grace and sufficiency of the One who loves me enough to lay down His greatness to make me great, is definitely more peaceful.
just trying to keep it real, Becky
By the way, please check out my friend Renee Swope's book, " A Confident Heart". Its an awesome "real" book that will encourage you greatly. Her website is "reneeswope.com"
Several obvious points jumped off the page.
- My confidence should be in God, not myself
- I am not sufficient to take credit for anything I attempt in my own strength.
- My sufficiency comes from God.
From there, we might proceed to criticizing ourselves or others. Next, blame creeps in and says, "you're okay, it's just someone else's shortcoming that made you react or act how you did". The slippery slope continues and can eventually lead to separation, condemnation and even self loathing.
Why would I chose not to rely on the Creator of the Universe (who is my personal creator) for all my needs? Why does trusting human strength seem so much easier then relying on God's sufficiency? After all, He promises to give it to us, no strings attached.
I have personally seen God work in this area of my life. I should say "working" because I am a work in progress. I have walked through some physical and emotional shortcomings that caused me to feel totally insufficient in most areas of my life. During a very stressful place in my life, I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder. It wrecked me physically and drained my physical energy, which affected my emotional being and of course, spilled over into every relationship in my life. The once "energizer bunny" became depressed, tired and unable to be productive like I always had been I became dependent and hated that feeling. As my doctor relayed to me the details and protocol for managing this, I cringed! I am not big on taking medicine (even though my husband is in the pharmaceutical industry) but, I had no choice. I had a regimen for keeping my colitis in remission. Another blow came when I was diagnosed with depression. Isn't that for wimps, I thought? Apparently, I was going to have to accept the changes in my life. So,I stubbornly submitted to my diagnosis of depression,which made me more depressed, because I didn't like the "idea" of being depressed. I now see that God was allowing me to clearly see that I am not in control, nor have I ever been. It has totally changed my perspective and I am thankful for the freedom to let go.
As I worked through the many changes of my once healthy lifestyle, I let go of my ideas of what I was and who I thought I deserved to be. As a group exercise instructor, I had always eaten healthy, exercised, tried to avoid junk food, caffeine or anything else that might not be physically good for me. Honestly, I took pride in my chosen lifestyle and enjoyed the compliments about my commitment to "stay in shape".
I eventually could see how God was using my struggles to help me acknowledge that I needed Him that I wasn't sufficient on my own. He created me with a void that only He can fill. I am so thankful that He then gave me Himself to fill that God-shaped void.
In His patience with me, He allowed me to fill it with things that I thought would work. But, eventually my resources were...insufficient. How could anything I chose to do or not do replace GOD's presence in my life? I hope you will be encouraged through my personal struggles and choose to lay aside your "agenda", strength or sufficiency and surrender to God. First, as to accepting His life as a payment for your sin and then as you accept Him into your life, you will be filled to overflowing with His presence. His presence will be all you need. Look at the following verses from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10,
But to keep me from being puffed up with pride because of the many wonderful things I saw, I was given a painful physical ailment, which acts as Satan's messenger to beat me and keep me from being proud. Three times I prayed to the Lord about this and asked him to take it away.But his answer was:My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak. I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ's power over me. I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong..
I know some would say, that is upside down. According to worldly philosophies, I would totally agree. But, having done it both ways. I can guarantee that living in the grace and sufficiency of the One who loves me enough to lay down His greatness to make me great, is definitely more peaceful.
just trying to keep it real, Becky
By the way, please check out my friend Renee Swope's book, " A Confident Heart". Its an awesome "real" book that will encourage you greatly. Her website is "reneeswope.com"
Monday, August 30, 2010
How's Josh Doing?
Josh's healing is remarkable! His face is free of the burn marks and the other areas on his shoulder and his legs are almost completely gone. He has been caring for the open burn wounds on his head and foot. These are the entry and exit points of the electricity. It has been a blessing to share Josh’s story with Doctors and Nurses as they are quite amazed at his miracle. One of Josh’s doctors was especially helpful to us by helping us get into see a neurologist quickly. We were grateful for her help as she called in a favor for us to be seen quickly.
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| Josh's New Shirt-always have loved his sense of humor |
I am so blown away by the love and concern for Josh. He would have to say the same as well. I am asking him to write his thoughts down to post here. I want him to share his heart with those of you who have asked. I also believe it's important to never forget what God has done for us and through us. Josh told me today that the greatest lie Satan has ever pushed is for mankind to believe he isn't real or doesn't exist. That's pretty profound. We don't care that he exists, because greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world.
I realize through all of this how I so quickly take for granted the gift of life and the blessing of kids. Teresa Clark (Caleb’s Mom) has been a great friend to share this experience with. To see our boys go through a challenge and be so mature and spiritually grounded was a true gift for both of us. I will always have a special connection to their family. They have always treated Josh like their own son. He feels so at home with them.
I have asked her to write her thoughts so you can see how mighty and far reaching our God is. When God moves, the ripple effect is greater than we might ever see. It was a challenge for Teresa to let her son go to Mexico. I am grateful that she surrendered her fears and her son to be able to be in Mexico.
(I will publish that as soon as she can catch her breath. School just started back and she is one of the amazing teachers at Josh's school)
Saturday, August 14, 2010
More of Josh's Shocking Miracle
I am going to insert what David sent to our Pastor. When David got down there we were able to piece some of the missing information together. The severity of the accident became much more sobering after pictures and phone revealed all that Josh had suffered and miraculously survived.
Pastor D,
Just wanted to send you a quick update on Josh. It is truly amazing how God is working. This whole adventure has been a tremendous blessing. Not that I haven't been anxious, or worried, or sad, but God's Grace has truly been sufficient, and I guess I have always known that in my head, but until I was put in a situation where I had absolutely NO control (not that I ever really have any control anyway, it just seems like I do) concerning my child no less do I really know in my heart that yes, His Grace is sufficient. Thankfully I travel quite a bit in my job and therefore have frequent flyer miles that allowed me to get a flight down here to Mexico on Wednesday. Josh is in the hospital in Chetumal, which is about as far south as you can go and still be in Mexico, it is very close to Belize. I took off from Charlotte at 1:20 and got to the hospital around 9pm It is about a 5 hour drive south of Cancun.; Anyway, when I arrived and saw Josh for the first time, he was in a bit of distress. His muscles were contracting and his shoulders were all scrunched up and he was holding his neck at a strange angle. He was trying to hold his head straight but really couldn't do so. At the time they were wondering if it was just a side effect of the amount of current that went through his body. Ben, the director of the ministry where Josh is working this summer, has two very close friends that are physicians. The husband is an anesthesiologist and the wife an Internist. They happen to live here in Chetumal, which is about 2 hours away from Felipe Carrillo Puerto where Sandra's House Mayan Ministry is; they arrived here at the hospital the same time I did. They have been just one of many amazing provisions from the Lord. They have checked in on Joshua night and day. They have brought Caleb and me food, taken us out to eat and have truly been the hands and feet of Jesus. They have served as translators and comforters although very busy with their own practices
Back to the story. The entire time that Josh has been here, Caleb has been by his side. He has comforted, calmed and basically seen to all of Joshua's needs. Here is a 14 year old young man that has also been an amazing blessing from the Lord. When I came in the room, Caleb was trying to help Josh relax and encouraging him to stay calm. Joshua's cardio profile looked fine, but they were concerned about the muscle contractions that he was having. SO, they felt an CT scan was needed. They wheeled him down for a CT scan as Caleb and I and Joel and Paola (the physicians that are friends of Ben, and now us) awaited for the results. The scan would tell us if there was any brain damage from the shock etc. They wheeled Joshua back in and we waited for the results, Paola went to see if she could find any information and she came back with a big smile saying that all seemed normal on the scan. The neurologist later came to read the scan and found that the scan overall did look good but that there was a small leakage of blood from the outside part of Josh's brain near his temple. Paola said that this leakage was causing the seizures that Josh was having, it wasn't just muscle contractions but minor seizures. The neurologist said that was the only major area of concern, there did not appear to be any hemorrhage inside the brain, so that was a great relief. Anyway, I say all that just so you have the picture of what was going on when I arrived. They had medicated Josh for the seizures and he was doing much better, although very tired from the entire event.
After we visited briefly, one of the first things that he said to me was "Dad, you know I think this is like spiritual warfare on the physical side. It's like Satan trying to do all he can to harm me but no matter how hard he tries, God is much greater and he can't do anything that God doesn't allow." I was amazed at his courage and his understanding of God's provision in his life. I know this experience has really grown his faith and dependence on the Lord. ( just now, as I write this, the doctor came in and said we can leave today, so we will be heading back to Felipe in a couple of hours, with Josh returning to the US on Wednesday of next week)& Anyway, I'm not sure if you have seen Josh's Facebook status' since I got down here but God is really doing a work in his life, both physically and spiritually. As I was reading over Ephesians 6 this morning, I looked to see about the Shield of Faith, it's amazing that it says "In all circumstances, take up the shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one". WOW, but I never thought these could be literal flaming darts…..God is teaching us a lot through this entire thing.
I'm sure by now you have most of the details of what happened but I just want to give you a couple of bullet points that show how God has truly blessed
The woman across the street witnessed the entire thing and she came to visit Josh in the hospital the next day, and she related what happened, no one else saw it. Josh was cleaning paintbrushes with the water hose and the water wasn’t draining well so he went to where the drain was, which was near the power transformer. He was kicking the water with his foot, but apparently the water then hit the power and created a circuit which slammed him backwards directly into the transformer. When that happened a huge explosion and flash occurred. Ben said that downstairs he heard a loud bang and then saw a bolt of lightning go across the room. The folks who saw it, started screaming and Caleb ran upstairs as did Ben. They saw Josh passed out inside the cage where the transformer is. Caleb then ran to get help while Ben went to get the lock off the door. Ben knew where the key was but it was on a ring of about 15 keys and knew the best thing to do would be to cut the bolt Caleb found a man walking down the street toward the hospital in a white coat and told him he needed help, amazingly the man spoke English and ran upstairs. Ben said to me that "all I know is that it took me maybe a minute to get back up there with the bolt cutters and by the time I got the bolt cut, there was a man in a white coat, pushing me out of the way to get to Josh". He said the man checked to make sure he could be moved, and then took him downstairs. I later asked Caleb who helped the man carry Josh, because the stairs up to the roof are very steep and precarious, and Caleb said the man carried him by himself. He said the guy picked Joshua up and ran down the stairs to a car that was waiting and they rushed Josh to the hospital which is about two blocks away. We don't know who the man was or who was driving the car, but they had Josh to the hospital within minutes. Ben said there were people from all over the entire neighborhood that were trying to help. It is truly amazing how God had this man right at Sandra's house as he walked to work and he was willing to take time to help someone else that he didn’t even know. (it may have even been an angel that God sent, I don’t know but I do know that God provided someone that was willing to intervene and probably saved Joshua's life) I wonder if we in America would do the same if we saw a person from Mexico in a similar situation, and we were on the way to an appointment, would we (would I) do what this guy did?
By this time Josh was conscious and very combative, he said his whole body was shaking. They gave him a sedative to calm him down and after getting him stabilized felt he should be moved to a bigger hospital in Chetumal, which is the capital of the state, so that he could be evaluated. And that is where we are now. One other part of the story that I wanted to tell you is what a blessing Caleb has been to me and Josh. He came down here on a 10 day mission trip, but God had a much different mission in mind. What a beautiful example of Christ. Caleb has not left Josh's side, has been an amazing comfort and encouragement to him, and to me. In fact, night before last Paola brought Caleb a sleeping bag to sleep on the floor since there was only one couch in Josh's room, and Caleb of course wanted me to sleep on the couch. So the next morning I went to get the nurse for Josh and she gave me a sleeping bag, I thought that Paola must have brought two, but then I asked Caleb and he said that no, he had seen some people down the hall that seemed very sad, and were cold so he gave them the sleeping bag to use. He slept on a sheet on a cold tile floor all night. I am humbled by the actions of a 14 year old that is allowing God to do great things through him.
Anyway, I’ll keep you updated. There are many more aspects to God's blessing in this adventure.
David and I want to tell you how much we appreciate and love each of you for you supportive, encouraging words and especially your prayers. You will never know how much it means to us. I cannot tell how excited I am to see my Josh tomorrow. He has some recovery but it doing so much better. He truly is my miracle son.
Pastor D,
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| The Clinic In Chetumal |
Just wanted to send you a quick update on Josh. It is truly amazing how God is working. This whole adventure has been a tremendous blessing. Not that I haven't been anxious, or worried, or sad, but God's Grace has truly been sufficient, and I guess I have always known that in my head, but until I was put in a situation where I had absolutely NO control (not that I ever really have any control anyway, it just seems like I do) concerning my child no less do I really know in my heart that yes, His Grace is sufficient. Thankfully I travel quite a bit in my job and therefore have frequent flyer miles that allowed me to get a flight down here to Mexico on Wednesday. Josh is in the hospital in Chetumal, which is about as far south as you can go and still be in Mexico, it is very close to Belize. I took off from Charlotte at 1:20 and got to the hospital around 9pm It is about a 5 hour drive south of Cancun.; Anyway, when I arrived and saw Josh for the first time, he was in a bit of distress. His muscles were contracting and his shoulders were all scrunched up and he was holding his neck at a strange angle. He was trying to hold his head straight but really couldn't do so. At the time they were wondering if it was just a side effect of the amount of current that went through his body. Ben, the director of the ministry where Josh is working this summer, has two very close friends that are physicians. The husband is an anesthesiologist and the wife an Internist. They happen to live here in Chetumal, which is about 2 hours away from Felipe Carrillo Puerto where Sandra's House Mayan Ministry is; they arrived here at the hospital the same time I did. They have been just one of many amazing provisions from the Lord. They have checked in on Joshua night and day. They have brought Caleb and me food, taken us out to eat and have truly been the hands and feet of Jesus. They have served as translators and comforters although very busy with their own practicesBack to the story. The entire time that Josh has been here, Caleb has been by his side. He has comforted, calmed and basically seen to all of Joshua's needs. Here is a 14 year old young man that has also been an amazing blessing from the Lord. When I came in the room, Caleb was trying to help Josh relax and encouraging him to stay calm. Joshua's cardio profile looked fine, but they were concerned about the muscle contractions that he was having. SO, they felt an CT scan was needed. They wheeled him down for a CT scan as Caleb and I and Joel and Paola (the physicians that are friends of Ben, and now us) awaited for the results. The scan would tell us if there was any brain damage from the shock etc. They wheeled Joshua back in and we waited for the results, Paola went to see if she could find any information and she came back with a big smile saying that all seemed normal on the scan. The neurologist later came to read the scan and found that the scan overall did look good but that there was a small leakage of blood from the outside part of Josh's brain near his temple. Paola said that this leakage was causing the seizures that Josh was having, it wasn't just muscle contractions but minor seizures. The neurologist said that was the only major area of concern, there did not appear to be any hemorrhage inside the brain, so that was a great relief. Anyway, I say all that just so you have the picture of what was going on when I arrived. They had medicated Josh for the seizures and he was doing much better, although very tired from the entire event.
After we visited briefly, one of the first things that he said to me was "Dad, you know I think this is like spiritual warfare on the physical side. It's like Satan trying to do all he can to harm me but no matter how hard he tries, God is much greater and he can't do anything that God doesn't allow." I was amazed at his courage and his understanding of God's provision in his life. I know this experience has really grown his faith and dependence on the Lord. ( just now, as I write this, the doctor came in and said we can leave today, so we will be heading back to Felipe in a couple of hours, with Josh returning to the US on Wednesday of next week)& Anyway, I'm not sure if you have seen Josh's Facebook status' since I got down here but God is really doing a work in his life, both physically and spiritually. As I was reading over Ephesians 6 this morning, I looked to see about the Shield of Faith, it's amazing that it says "In all circumstances, take up the shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one". WOW, but I never thought these could be literal flaming darts…..God is teaching us a lot through this entire thing.
I'm sure by now you have most of the details of what happened but I just want to give you a couple of bullet points that show how God has truly blessed
The woman across the street witnessed the entire thing and she came to visit Josh in the hospital the next day, and she related what happened, no one else saw it. Josh was cleaning paintbrushes with the water hose and the water wasn’t draining well so he went to where the drain was, which was near the power transformer. He was kicking the water with his foot, but apparently the water then hit the power and created a circuit which slammed him backwards directly into the transformer. When that happened a huge explosion and flash occurred. Ben said that downstairs he heard a loud bang and then saw a bolt of lightning go across the room. The folks who saw it, started screaming and Caleb ran upstairs as did Ben. They saw Josh passed out inside the cage where the transformer is. Caleb then ran to get help while Ben went to get the lock off the door. Ben knew where the key was but it was on a ring of about 15 keys and knew the best thing to do would be to cut the bolt Caleb found a man walking down the street toward the hospital in a white coat and told him he needed help, amazingly the man spoke English and ran upstairs. Ben said to me that "all I know is that it took me maybe a minute to get back up there with the bolt cutters and by the time I got the bolt cut, there was a man in a white coat, pushing me out of the way to get to Josh". He said the man checked to make sure he could be moved, and then took him downstairs. I later asked Caleb who helped the man carry Josh, because the stairs up to the roof are very steep and precarious, and Caleb said the man carried him by himself. He said the guy picked Joshua up and ran down the stairs to a car that was waiting and they rushed Josh to the hospital which is about two blocks away. We don't know who the man was or who was driving the car, but they had Josh to the hospital within minutes. Ben said there were people from all over the entire neighborhood that were trying to help. It is truly amazing how God had this man right at Sandra's house as he walked to work and he was willing to take time to help someone else that he didn’t even know. (it may have even been an angel that God sent, I don’t know but I do know that God provided someone that was willing to intervene and probably saved Joshua's life) I wonder if we in America would do the same if we saw a person from Mexico in a similar situation, and we were on the way to an appointment, would we (would I) do what this guy did?
By this time Josh was conscious and very combative, he said his whole body was shaking. They gave him a sedative to calm him down and after getting him stabilized felt he should be moved to a bigger hospital in Chetumal, which is the capital of the state, so that he could be evaluated. And that is where we are now. One other part of the story that I wanted to tell you is what a blessing Caleb has been to me and Josh. He came down here on a 10 day mission trip, but God had a much different mission in mind. What a beautiful example of Christ. Caleb has not left Josh's side, has been an amazing comfort and encouragement to him, and to me. In fact, night before last Paola brought Caleb a sleeping bag to sleep on the floor since there was only one couch in Josh's room, and Caleb of course wanted me to sleep on the couch. So the next morning I went to get the nurse for Josh and she gave me a sleeping bag, I thought that Paola must have brought two, but then I asked Caleb and he said that no, he had seen some people down the hall that seemed very sad, and were cold so he gave them the sleeping bag to use. He slept on a sheet on a cold tile floor all night. I am humbled by the actions of a 14 year old that is allowing God to do great things through him.
Anyway, I’ll keep you updated. There are many more aspects to God's blessing in this adventure.
David and I want to tell you how much we appreciate and love each of you for you supportive, encouraging words and especially your prayers. You will never know how much it means to us. I cannot tell how excited I am to see my Josh tomorrow. He has some recovery but it doing so much better. He truly is my miracle son.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Josh's Shocking Miracle
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| Sandra's House - new addition front |
Caleb had cleaned his brushes and gone downstairs and Josh remained up to finish cleaning his brush. A few moments later, Caleb heard a scream from a neighbor and immediately ran upstairs, knowing something was wrong.
According to the neighbor, Josh was trying to clear a gutter of leaves. Joshua kicked the water from the hose that he had used to clean his brush must have flowed to the transformer near by and a current of electricity struck Josh's head then exited through his foot and threw him against the transformer which shorted out and left Josh passed out below it.
David tells me that the transformer was behind a fenced area (Josh had gone around it to clear the leaves). Ben had to get bolt cutters to get to him, meanwhile a man in a white coat had appeared and helped Ben get Josh out and down the steep stairway. Ben believed this man must be an angel sent to help him, Actually, he happened to be on the road in front of the house and Caleb was able to ask him to come help. Miraculously, he spoke English. ( He probably is an angel that happened to be going to work at the hospital in Felipe Carillo that day).
The man in the white coat picked up Josh, who was shaking from the shock, while the neighbors had backed a car into the driveway and rushed him to the hospital in this small town. Thankfully, the hospital was only about 2 blocks from the house and they began to treat Josh.
Caleb said he was very disoriented and combative. Caleb was trying to calm him, but then had to leave the room. Josh was sedated and they began to check his vitals.
The doctors felt it was best to transfer him to another hospital in a larger town about 2 hours away. He was transported via ambulance with Ben and Caleb following close behind. Ben called and let us know the ambulance was rushing, letting us know that Josh must not be doing okay.
Meanwhile, our Pastor Derwin Gray was praying for Josh with us. Specifically, that through this trial God would be glorified through Josh as he impacted the hospital that he was going to. By the time Josh got to the hospital, Caleb said he was a different person than when he had left the other hospital. He was now more calm and aware of his surroundings but still not sure exactly what had happened to him.
The next morning, we spoke to Caleb. He stayed the night by himself in Chetzemul to be with his friend. I must comment here, that Caleb's maturity and concern for his friend comforted David and I greatly and confirmed what our Pastor always tell our youth. That they are leaders and equipped to do great things for God now. Caleb was truly an example of that. I would have been a wreck if he had not been telling us everything that was happening.
Caleb told us the doctors were coming at 9am, our time, to evaluate Josh. He said Josh was had been pretty groggy but knew he was there through the night. We were able to talk to Josh around 10:45. He sounded good and said that he would love for David to come down there if he was able. David was able to book a flight with frequent flyer points at 1:20 and rushed to the airport to fly into Cancun. THANK YOU, GOD!!!
During all of this, I had incredible peace that my son was okay. That he would survive this and would be forever changed by what had happened. God peace truly flooded my heart. David faith was strong as well. Emotionally he was struggling with his son lying in the hospital and was anxious to get there. I was glad that God moved this way between us. I knew that David was the one who needed to be with Josh, even though this mama bear wanted desperately to see her son.
I spoke to Josh after talking to Caleb and knew by his voice he is doing great. He was JOSH!! Most of you know what I mean by that. It comforted me greatly. Josh is blown away by God's sovereign protection of his life. He knows that God spared him and this had forever changed his life. I am thankful for his ability to see God's hand in all of this and be able to praise Him through it all.
I have become quite somber these past hours as I realize how quickly we can lose someone we love. I cherish my children and have basked in the joy of being there Mom. God prepared me over that past couple months for this. Enjoying them had become a theme in my life lately and I know that God has blessed me greatly with these amazing kids.
Josh is my incredible son. Letting him experience all God has for him has been nothing short of exciting and wonderful. Hearing him love the people of Mexico and inspire his friend to come join him has been awesome.
Your responses and concerns for Josh have blessed me more than you will ever know. I am sure when you see Josh you will see a different
I told Ben, that Josh would be allowed to return to Mexico again next year if he desired. I believe that safest place Josh can be is in the Center of God's Will. This experience has proved that to be true.
David will be keeping me up to date and I will post any other details on my page. I am sure Josh will be wanting to post soon as well since David has his computer with him.
The miracles of God in our lives are sometimes Huge and sometime little, but always significant.
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