Once again, Christmas time became somewhat of a whirlwind. The amazing surgeon that God, I believe, led us to decided we should go ahead and get Josh's surgery done over the holiday break. So, I scrambled to get his appointments made, forms completed as soon as he came home. He also wanted to retake his drivers test for his license. He had gone once and failed, to both of our surprise. David also took him the day before surgery and he failed again. The agent said he was about to go through a red light. WHAT? Josh is a good driver and I could only think that perhaps he was being protected by God for some reason when he couldn't pass. It was not only bizarre, but frustrating for him.
I took him the following day for surgery. I knew his eyes were bothering him, but he didn't think they were really bad. Dr. Biber (his amazing surgeon) had called me and told me that h had done research on Josh's situation and felt like a toric lens that would correct Josh's astigmatism would be a good choice for him. It would eliminate his need for nearsighted correction and he would only need reading glasses instead of bifocals. Because Josh is only 16, we totally agreed with this reasoning.
In the surgical area, the nurses and and staff couldn't have been more friendly. They had read Josh's medical history and wanted to know about his accident. Once again, an opportunity to give God the due glory for saving Josh last summer.
The surgery went quick, he recovered well and we headed home. As we left the parking garage, Josh was overwhelmed! He couldn't stop talking about how clearly he could see. He said, "it's like seeing in HD". When we came to a stop light, Josh said, " whoa, now I know why I failed my driving test. I couldn't see the red light. He couldn't see alot. My hunch was right. God was protecting him. He really couldn't see.
A few days later, Josh took his test and the agent said he was one of the best drivers he tested and wished all his students were like Josh! I was thankful he got that affirmation. He was so disappointed the first two times.
So many lessons can be gleaned from his experiences. He and I talked about his charisma. This gift God has given him and how it can be used positively or negatively for the furthering of God's glory.
In so many ways I learn about myself through my children. As Mary treasured and pondered the role she would play in the Savior of the world, I hope that I might ponder these things in my life and let God use me in some way to be a part of His plans. That, as a mom, I embrace the role of influence over my kids lives and use it to bring God's love to those around us that are longing for the emptiness to be filled in their lives.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
More Josh...
For those of you that have following Josh's story, I thought it would great to give you some more details about some remarkable developments in his life. I use the adjective "remarkable" because even though this is not what we were expecting, we are seeing God's hand in His life and we expectantly wait to see His plans unfold for Josh!
Many of you know that Josh is diagnosed with ADD. I comment that he is a poster child for this condition. I don't cringe to state that, because I know that it isn't a negative, rather an attribute we choose to embrace and recognize how it affects Josh the amazing young man he is. We further more will never use it as a label or excuse because his identity is not based in that. He is a Christ follower who believes in the transforming power of Jesus Christ.
Josh decided last spring that he wanted to attend Camden Military Academy. For many reasons, this type of school is a great choice for him and many other young men there. With the structure and discipline of the military style, this helps him greatly with the challenges of ADD. In fact, he is able to be there and not take his meds. This is a great accomplishment.
Before Josh left in August, we took him for his physical. His doctor told us he needed an eye exam. We saw the doctor and found out he needed glasses. His vision just needed minor correction. After a few months he was complaining of glare and foggieness with his sight. So, over his Thanksgiving furlough, we took him back to the Optometrist. To all of our surprise, he told Josh that he had cateracts. We were all a little stunned. My thoughts went to his electrocution accident. The doctor agreed that it was most likely from the electrocution. My heart sank.
Josh's goal is to join the military upon graduation. He loves being a practice soldier at school and was excited about becoming a true soldier. We love his passion for Justice, Honor and Patriotism. We believe those are traits that some young men strongly value. My friends that have young men in the service say they were born soldiers. I believe that describes Josh as well.
What amazes me about him, is his response to all of this was, "well, I guess I'll be a plumber in the army". Because of his condition and the strict limitations of the military, his choices he knew would now be limited. I recently discovered that his chances of even being recruited have become very slim. Thankfully, my God deals in the impossible!
It's hard to see your child's dreams and desires crushed. But, I've seen my own well laid plans eroded. What I thought was the best route for my life, God changed. It was only until later that I could see that His plan for me was much better and more beneficial. With Josh, I have faith that what he thinks he wants, may change because God has something much bigger and beneficial for Josh.
Josh is a gift to David and I, and to those who know him. He has such a zest for life and charisma that touches everyone that knows him. We see these gifts in him as tools to further God's message of hope and salvation to the world. I am continually thankful that I get to see God visibly work in my child's life. It serves as a constant reminder to me that God is a personal, loving and caring God that desires to be personally involved in my life, when I surrender my life totally to Him. I can't wait to write more of what God does in the life of my son. I am learning so much through the life of this child.
Many of you know that Josh is diagnosed with ADD. I comment that he is a poster child for this condition. I don't cringe to state that, because I know that it isn't a negative, rather an attribute we choose to embrace and recognize how it affects Josh the amazing young man he is. We further more will never use it as a label or excuse because his identity is not based in that. He is a Christ follower who believes in the transforming power of Jesus Christ.
Josh decided last spring that he wanted to attend Camden Military Academy. For many reasons, this type of school is a great choice for him and many other young men there. With the structure and discipline of the military style, this helps him greatly with the challenges of ADD. In fact, he is able to be there and not take his meds. This is a great accomplishment.
Before Josh left in August, we took him for his physical. His doctor told us he needed an eye exam. We saw the doctor and found out he needed glasses. His vision just needed minor correction. After a few months he was complaining of glare and foggieness with his sight. So, over his Thanksgiving furlough, we took him back to the Optometrist. To all of our surprise, he told Josh that he had cateracts. We were all a little stunned. My thoughts went to his electrocution accident. The doctor agreed that it was most likely from the electrocution. My heart sank.
Josh's goal is to join the military upon graduation. He loves being a practice soldier at school and was excited about becoming a true soldier. We love his passion for Justice, Honor and Patriotism. We believe those are traits that some young men strongly value. My friends that have young men in the service say they were born soldiers. I believe that describes Josh as well.
What amazes me about him, is his response to all of this was, "well, I guess I'll be a plumber in the army". Because of his condition and the strict limitations of the military, his choices he knew would now be limited. I recently discovered that his chances of even being recruited have become very slim. Thankfully, my God deals in the impossible!
It's hard to see your child's dreams and desires crushed. But, I've seen my own well laid plans eroded. What I thought was the best route for my life, God changed. It was only until later that I could see that His plan for me was much better and more beneficial. With Josh, I have faith that what he thinks he wants, may change because God has something much bigger and beneficial for Josh.
Josh is a gift to David and I, and to those who know him. He has such a zest for life and charisma that touches everyone that knows him. We see these gifts in him as tools to further God's message of hope and salvation to the world. I am continually thankful that I get to see God visibly work in my child's life. It serves as a constant reminder to me that God is a personal, loving and caring God that desires to be personally involved in my life, when I surrender my life totally to Him. I can't wait to write more of what God does in the life of my son. I am learning so much through the life of this child.
Tis the season...to lose it! UGH!
I've struggled through this holiday. I was trying to NOT get caught in the tyranny of the urgent, to avoid the stress of getting the right gifts for the kids or making sure I was spreading it all out equally while resisting urges to surcome to all the marketing and "must have-great deals, one time only". Well, its another year when I must have unconciously sold my self control for a bargin on Craigslist and I'm not positive, but I think my resolve is lost somewhere online with free shipping.
I wish I could say that my heart made a u-turn and my flesh was revealed for what it really is when I confessed my weaknesses to God and allowed His grace to heal me. Instead, I acted like a bitter,resentful angry elf. I was snapping at my very generous husband, making him feel guilty for wanting to give gifts to his children. I ridiculed and fought with my beautiful 14 year old whose energy and joy just annoyed me. Emotionally, I was a wreck. My ADD was running wild with a vengeance just looking to attack someone for making me feel so overwhelmed and I really wanted to run away.
I desperately was trying in my own strength to be happy. But, I teetered between fun and furious. Also,as a good mom does, I was reminding everyone (in a rather biting tone) to be thankful and mindful of Christ and the holiday we celebrate. But, my erratic actions spoke louder than my words. So, I medicated myself with web-surfing and distraction while shutting down the small, still voice in my heart that was whispering: "It's okay, I understand and most of all...My birthday is a reminder to you of my love and sacrifice. I didn't come to comdemn the world (or you) but to save you - even from yourself." (Becky's amplified version). See John 3:17-21.
As I layed in bed, exhausted and embarrassed, I asked God, "what do you say, Father, what can you do with this wretched, confused heart. I hate the way Christmas has become a stressed filled time of year, when those of us with so much go out and buy more stuff to fill our already full homes. Why can't I be thankful for the blessings you have poured out on us? We give alot away, but still it just doesn't seem like we do enough. In a twisted way, no matter what I say or think, we have too much and most of the world has too little. I feel torn, what is yor response Father. I don't want to justify my way of life, but you have put me in this culture, how do I navigate through it?
A verse that came to my heart surprised me.
Phillipians 4:12-13 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
I love the living word of God! Sadly, I struggle not with being without, rather with having too much! For some reason, while growing up in church, it seems I gleaned out of religion, unhealthy doses of guilt. Guilt that I "have" and others don't. Guilt that life is not fair and somehow I am part of the problem. Therefore, I don't know how to be in a state of "abounding" and be content. (don't be fooled by that humble sounding statement). Just being American makes me "rich" on so many levels. After seeing poverty and need, on mission trips, I have struggled with my guilt and being content as an American. This verse clears up for me, that God doesn't want me to live in a state of guilt, but contentment! Paul was a religious wealthy Jew, he says he "learned" the secret of contentment. This would imply that it doesn't just come naturally as a Christ follower. So, perhaps I'm still in school and haven't learned the "secret" yet. But, like Paul I know God will reveal it to me. Secrets are shared in intimate relationships. God has already spoken to my heart, encouraging me that I can be content in the radical and mundane.
Many struggling Christians around the world pray for American Christians. Their prayer is that we don't allow our abundance to distract us from the simplicity of Christ and the gospel. The gift of our salvation. While all us as servants of the Most High will struggle in this world, this world isn't our home. We will face trials and tribulations. But, we don't have to face them alone.
Hind sight is 20/20. I have decided to evalutate what drove me to the ugliness of sin. Besides the obvious struggles in my flesh, I didn't plan very well. I flew by the seat of my pants and when the trials came, like they do, I wasn't prepared for battle so, I leaned on my own resources to survive.
With a heart to heart conversation with my kids, reminding us who we are and what it is we are celebrating, as well as, deciding ahead of time with my husband what we want our celebration to look like, perhaps next year can be more honoring to the King of Glory who left His Father to become a man born in a barn.
Happy Birthday Jesus! How my heart desires to be a faithful servant no matter what my circumstances! In plenty or in need, I want to know the secret of contentment!
I wish I could say that my heart made a u-turn and my flesh was revealed for what it really is when I confessed my weaknesses to God and allowed His grace to heal me. Instead, I acted like a bitter,resentful angry elf. I was snapping at my very generous husband, making him feel guilty for wanting to give gifts to his children. I ridiculed and fought with my beautiful 14 year old whose energy and joy just annoyed me. Emotionally, I was a wreck. My ADD was running wild with a vengeance just looking to attack someone for making me feel so overwhelmed and I really wanted to run away.
I desperately was trying in my own strength to be happy. But, I teetered between fun and furious. Also,as a good mom does, I was reminding everyone (in a rather biting tone) to be thankful and mindful of Christ and the holiday we celebrate. But, my erratic actions spoke louder than my words. So, I medicated myself with web-surfing and distraction while shutting down the small, still voice in my heart that was whispering: "It's okay, I understand and most of all...My birthday is a reminder to you of my love and sacrifice. I didn't come to comdemn the world (or you) but to save you - even from yourself." (Becky's amplified version). See John 3:17-21.
As I layed in bed, exhausted and embarrassed, I asked God, "what do you say, Father, what can you do with this wretched, confused heart. I hate the way Christmas has become a stressed filled time of year, when those of us with so much go out and buy more stuff to fill our already full homes. Why can't I be thankful for the blessings you have poured out on us? We give alot away, but still it just doesn't seem like we do enough. In a twisted way, no matter what I say or think, we have too much and most of the world has too little. I feel torn, what is yor response Father. I don't want to justify my way of life, but you have put me in this culture, how do I navigate through it?
A verse that came to my heart surprised me.
Phillipians 4:12-13 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
I love the living word of God! Sadly, I struggle not with being without, rather with having too much! For some reason, while growing up in church, it seems I gleaned out of religion, unhealthy doses of guilt. Guilt that I "have" and others don't. Guilt that life is not fair and somehow I am part of the problem. Therefore, I don't know how to be in a state of "abounding" and be content. (don't be fooled by that humble sounding statement). Just being American makes me "rich" on so many levels. After seeing poverty and need, on mission trips, I have struggled with my guilt and being content as an American. This verse clears up for me, that God doesn't want me to live in a state of guilt, but contentment! Paul was a religious wealthy Jew, he says he "learned" the secret of contentment. This would imply that it doesn't just come naturally as a Christ follower. So, perhaps I'm still in school and haven't learned the "secret" yet. But, like Paul I know God will reveal it to me. Secrets are shared in intimate relationships. God has already spoken to my heart, encouraging me that I can be content in the radical and mundane.
Many struggling Christians around the world pray for American Christians. Their prayer is that we don't allow our abundance to distract us from the simplicity of Christ and the gospel. The gift of our salvation. While all us as servants of the Most High will struggle in this world, this world isn't our home. We will face trials and tribulations. But, we don't have to face them alone.
Hind sight is 20/20. I have decided to evalutate what drove me to the ugliness of sin. Besides the obvious struggles in my flesh, I didn't plan very well. I flew by the seat of my pants and when the trials came, like they do, I wasn't prepared for battle so, I leaned on my own resources to survive.
With a heart to heart conversation with my kids, reminding us who we are and what it is we are celebrating, as well as, deciding ahead of time with my husband what we want our celebration to look like, perhaps next year can be more honoring to the King of Glory who left His Father to become a man born in a barn.
Happy Birthday Jesus! How my heart desires to be a faithful servant no matter what my circumstances! In plenty or in need, I want to know the secret of contentment!
Thursday, November 03, 2011
I am a Confident Woman...NOT!
If you are anything like me,some days I can be so full of confidence and excitement about what is going on in my life and within less than 24 hours, I can feel the exact opposite. Not only can the disappointment feel like a crushing weight, but the lack of consistency causes haunting doubts and frustration. When God lead me, I believe, to a verse in the New Testament, it quickly made me realize why I am stumbling in this area. It says, Such is the confidence we have though Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God. 2 Corinthians 3:4-5
Several obvious points jumped off the page.
From there, we might proceed to criticizing ourselves or others. Next, blame creeps in and says, "you're okay, it's just someone else's shortcoming that made you react or act how you did". The slippery slope continues and can eventually lead to separation, condemnation and even self loathing.
Why would I chose not to rely on the Creator of the Universe (who is my personal creator) for all my needs? Why does trusting human strength seem so much easier then relying on God's sufficiency? After all, He promises to give it to us, no strings attached.
I have personally seen God work in this area of my life. I should say "working" because I am a work in progress. I have walked through some physical and emotional shortcomings that caused me to feel totally insufficient in most areas of my life. During a very stressful place in my life, I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder. It wrecked me physically and drained my physical energy, which affected my emotional being and of course, spilled over into every relationship in my life. The once "energizer bunny" became depressed, tired and unable to be productive like I always had been I became dependent and hated that feeling. As my doctor relayed to me the details and protocol for managing this, I cringed! I am not big on taking medicine (even though my husband is in the pharmaceutical industry) but, I had no choice. I had a regimen for keeping my colitis in remission. Another blow came when I was diagnosed with depression. Isn't that for wimps, I thought? Apparently, I was going to have to accept the changes in my life. So,I stubbornly submitted to my diagnosis of depression,which made me more depressed, because I didn't like the "idea" of being depressed. I now see that God was allowing me to clearly see that I am not in control, nor have I ever been. It has totally changed my perspective and I am thankful for the freedom to let go.
As I worked through the many changes of my once healthy lifestyle, I let go of my ideas of what I was and who I thought I deserved to be. As a group exercise instructor, I had always eaten healthy, exercised, tried to avoid junk food, caffeine or anything else that might not be physically good for me. Honestly, I took pride in my chosen lifestyle and enjoyed the compliments about my commitment to "stay in shape".
I eventually could see how God was using my struggles to help me acknowledge that I needed Him that I wasn't sufficient on my own. He created me with a void that only He can fill. I am so thankful that He then gave me Himself to fill that God-shaped void.
In His patience with me, He allowed me to fill it with things that I thought would work. But, eventually my resources were...insufficient. How could anything I chose to do or not do replace GOD's presence in my life? I hope you will be encouraged through my personal struggles and choose to lay aside your "agenda", strength or sufficiency and surrender to God. First, as to accepting His life as a payment for your sin and then as you accept Him into your life, you will be filled to overflowing with His presence. His presence will be all you need. Look at the following verses from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10,
But to keep me from being puffed up with pride because of the many wonderful things I saw, I was given a painful physical ailment, which acts as Satan's messenger to beat me and keep me from being proud. Three times I prayed to the Lord about this and asked him to take it away.But his answer was:My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak. I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ's power over me. I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong..
I know some would say, that is upside down. According to worldly philosophies, I would totally agree. But, having done it both ways. I can guarantee that living in the grace and sufficiency of the One who loves me enough to lay down His greatness to make me great, is definitely more peaceful.
just trying to keep it real, Becky
By the way, please check out my friend Renee Swope's book, " A Confident Heart". Its an awesome "real" book that will encourage you greatly. Her website is "reneeswope.com"
Several obvious points jumped off the page.
- My confidence should be in God, not myself
- I am not sufficient to take credit for anything I attempt in my own strength.
- My sufficiency comes from God.
From there, we might proceed to criticizing ourselves or others. Next, blame creeps in and says, "you're okay, it's just someone else's shortcoming that made you react or act how you did". The slippery slope continues and can eventually lead to separation, condemnation and even self loathing.
Why would I chose not to rely on the Creator of the Universe (who is my personal creator) for all my needs? Why does trusting human strength seem so much easier then relying on God's sufficiency? After all, He promises to give it to us, no strings attached.
I have personally seen God work in this area of my life. I should say "working" because I am a work in progress. I have walked through some physical and emotional shortcomings that caused me to feel totally insufficient in most areas of my life. During a very stressful place in my life, I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder. It wrecked me physically and drained my physical energy, which affected my emotional being and of course, spilled over into every relationship in my life. The once "energizer bunny" became depressed, tired and unable to be productive like I always had been I became dependent and hated that feeling. As my doctor relayed to me the details and protocol for managing this, I cringed! I am not big on taking medicine (even though my husband is in the pharmaceutical industry) but, I had no choice. I had a regimen for keeping my colitis in remission. Another blow came when I was diagnosed with depression. Isn't that for wimps, I thought? Apparently, I was going to have to accept the changes in my life. So,I stubbornly submitted to my diagnosis of depression,which made me more depressed, because I didn't like the "idea" of being depressed. I now see that God was allowing me to clearly see that I am not in control, nor have I ever been. It has totally changed my perspective and I am thankful for the freedom to let go.
As I worked through the many changes of my once healthy lifestyle, I let go of my ideas of what I was and who I thought I deserved to be. As a group exercise instructor, I had always eaten healthy, exercised, tried to avoid junk food, caffeine or anything else that might not be physically good for me. Honestly, I took pride in my chosen lifestyle and enjoyed the compliments about my commitment to "stay in shape".
I eventually could see how God was using my struggles to help me acknowledge that I needed Him that I wasn't sufficient on my own. He created me with a void that only He can fill. I am so thankful that He then gave me Himself to fill that God-shaped void.
In His patience with me, He allowed me to fill it with things that I thought would work. But, eventually my resources were...insufficient. How could anything I chose to do or not do replace GOD's presence in my life? I hope you will be encouraged through my personal struggles and choose to lay aside your "agenda", strength or sufficiency and surrender to God. First, as to accepting His life as a payment for your sin and then as you accept Him into your life, you will be filled to overflowing with His presence. His presence will be all you need. Look at the following verses from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10,
But to keep me from being puffed up with pride because of the many wonderful things I saw, I was given a painful physical ailment, which acts as Satan's messenger to beat me and keep me from being proud. Three times I prayed to the Lord about this and asked him to take it away.But his answer was:My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak. I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ's power over me. I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong..
I know some would say, that is upside down. According to worldly philosophies, I would totally agree. But, having done it both ways. I can guarantee that living in the grace and sufficiency of the One who loves me enough to lay down His greatness to make me great, is definitely more peaceful.
just trying to keep it real, Becky
By the way, please check out my friend Renee Swope's book, " A Confident Heart". Its an awesome "real" book that will encourage you greatly. Her website is "reneeswope.com"
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