Why Self Help, Doesn't Help!

I have noticed  lately that so many Christian books and devotions geared toward women are "how to" type topics.  After discussing this with a close friend, we came to the conclusion, that there was a time in our lives when these books would entice us. Especially as young mom's who were always looking for "help".  In a culture that encourages us to be the best, do our best and push our children to be their best, one has to just sigh and feel as if it's all too overwhelming.
Furthermore, growing up in a denomination that applauds "works" and religious "goodness", I can easily find myself not measuring up, if I have a bad day or if my kids do something questionable.  Don't even get me started on being a good wife.
The question to myself has been, "at what point am I better, or when do I just accept that I am a human "being" not a human "doing" or as a friend once said, "I am doing the best that I can".
As a disclaimer, to many very well written - God inspired books, I have benefitted greatly from their tips, suggestions and comradery because knowing I'm not doing this life alone brings great comfort. However, because of my filters, I could easily end up defeated, not so encouraged, because I would caught up in the comparison game as well as feeling that I'll never be able to live by all the suggestions. Also, if I'm honest,  it's much easier to read a how to book, than to get into God's word, be still and wait for Him to speak, allow the Holy Spirit to encourage and convict and praise God that I have been regenerated, renewed and then allow the perfect life of Christ to live through me and the power of Holy Spirit living in me  to equip, guide and direct my path.  Best of all, I could REST in his AMAZING GRACE that never condemns, never expects, but instead has expectancy of me that I will get it right at times, but its okay if I don't.
Also, the great principle I have learned from my pastor is that God has chosen me, with all my flaws, wrinkles, imperfections, short temper, easily distracted, undisciplined, selfish (you fill in the blanks), self to further His kingdom here on earth.  Which isn't some vague command, it's simply to glorify God in the circumference of the space He has placed me.
I have the ability to influence my world (no matter how big or small) for Christ.  Since, I am a full-time Mom and part time group exercise instructor, my world isn't really that huge.  That doesn't disappoint me.  I have found I don't do well with lots of space and people in my life.  I am an extrovert and I love meeting new people of all shapes, sizes and colors.  However, I do well to minister to a few rather than the masses. Because my family requires alot of time,  my sweet non-believing friends desire alot of my time and even my few close friends and I rarely get consistant time together, I stay busy.
So, I will probably never be speaking, writing alot or running any ministry groups.  I have learned that I need to nurture exactly what God has given me to the best of my ability.  Perhaps that might change one day, but I'm not seeking it out.  As you age, you see how the mundane things in life have equipped you to handle the bigger things in life.  How we live in the mundane really determines how we handle the non-mundane challenges we face.
Now, I wake up and ask God what my mission is for that particular day. 
I just returned from a fitness convention. I sat in lectures, learned about new fitness trends as well as safety and nutritional information. I loved everything I learned.  I wanted more!  I realized this is an area God has given me in my life that I seem to thrive inside of. So many argue that fitness isn't very "spiritual".  Of course, I could justify it with the verse, "your body is the temple of God", which it is.   But teaching group exercise isn't exactly "religious", especially when your teaching Zumba which is dance (said with fingers pointing at me) SMILE!  I might agree with that except, I don't look at my classes as just an hour to dance or workout.  I see my classes as a place to meet people that aren't in my personal circles and hopefully, love, encourage, enjoy and learn from.  And, if the presence of God is living in me, (which He is),  the fresh aroma of who He is will oxygenate (give life) those I come in contact with. That isn't limited only to my classes, but also my family, friends and neighbors.

As my perspective of my purpose in life has been corrected, I now live seeing every opportunity as a chance to "be Jesus" in a dying, desperate, hopeless world, my world.  A friend from our small group wrote a book, Ten Foot World, A Call to Influence by J.D. Sluiter.
It hasn't made it to the New York Time best sellers list, but it should.  It's a book about the call on every Christian's life.  Its inspiring and challenging.  Probably one of the best books I've read, although in his humility Jack would smile as if I was just being nice.
So,what have I replaced my self help with? Because, I do still have "issues".  For example, when I lose it with my kids, forget to call a close friend on their birthday, doubt my self, abilities and talents, mess something up, do too many things last minute, struggle with jealousy or anger, I don't stay  in that messy place.  I confess it all to my God who has already seen it, ask forgiveness of those I have hurt or disappointed, keep my flesh on a short leash by living according to God's word and listen to His correction and allow myself to be a sinner in constant need of Grace.  Thankfully, His mercies are new every morning.  I have trained my mind that when I hear those condemning voices to remember that "there is therefore no condemnation in Christ" so, I  reject those lies and live by truth "greater is He that is in me, than He that is in the world."
As my pastor reminds us every week I live...UPWARD - knowing that God loves me completely (mistakes and all), INWARD - I love myself correctly, based on how God loves me and OUTWARD - I love other compassionately because I know who I am in Christ and I can extend grace and love to those who need Christ's love, acceptance and forgiveness.

For More on:

WHAT’S THIS “UPWARD, INWARD, OUTWARD” THING?

When Jesus was asked, “What is the most important commandment?” He said we are to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39). This is the Jewish Shema (Deut. 6:4-9 & Lev. 18:19).

Notice the progression: love God (Upward), love yourself (Inward), love your neighbor (Outward).

Therefore, the goal of discipleship...is to join the Holy Spirit in creating Jesus look-alikes who grow in “Upward, Inward, Outward.”

Marinate on that,

Pastor Derwin

http://www.derwinlgray.com/category/church-vision/

Link to Jack Sluiter's Book: http://www.amazon.com/J.D.-Sluiter/e/B0072KZYS4

Feeling Alive Again!

I feel like I have walked in a dark for over 3 years.  Hallelujah, for the first time after many years of frustration, exhaustion, guilt and a myriad of emotions, I am finally back to the woman I knew I was but couldn't seem to find.  I wondered in those dark, tiresome days if I would ever get back the passion and energy for life that used to define me.  So many trials and struggles wrecked me physically and put me in a state of physical and psychological depression.  I could detail days and moments that I wondered, "how can I get out of bed? How and I going to get kids where they need to be? How can I do my job as homemaker?"  "I'm sorry" seemed to be the words that rolled out all the time.  I would pray and ask for healing. I would be so disconnected from God and everyone.  I just struggled to exist.  I was angry that my body was not in cooperation with my spirit.  "This is ridiculous", I would cry out "I do all the right things, exercise and eat healthy, this just isn't fair".

I have since learned, as my dad always would say, "Life isn't fair".  While I love that Americans believethat all our dreams can come true, with a little hard work and determination and that  you can make a great life for yourself it seems to cost of that can sometimes be to high.  True, we have so much opportunity and possibility in our American world.  However, I have seen in my life and others, that women especially, are no longer content to just be at home, just be a mother, wife or homemaker.  The world around us calls us out to be more.  Even in our churches, we can feel pressure to be a "successful" Christian and if we aren't careful we can become undone, unless we put boundries around our lives and families.

I have wanted to publicly share my struggle with an awful condition called depression.  During an over 3 year period of dealing with it, I found my self hopeless. I would talk to friends, hoping to find some answers or reasons as to why I was in that place. Many would tell me I was doing too much. I would always have an excuse as to why I had too.  I have written previous posts that tell about our family, especially how we expanded not only our numbers, but our actual home.  In a nutshell, the energizer bunny as I believed myself to be, couldn't handle all that I took on.  Some was out of my control but some was not.  I always believed I could handle anything, despite the observation from friends that I was attempting to do way too many things.  Honestly, I liked being busy to some point.  It may me feel needed and wanted.  I would learn and am still learning that I was looking in the wrong place for what  was already given to me.  See, I "knew" I was dearly loved by God, I knew he sacrificed everything to reconcile me from my brokenness due to my sinful self.  But, because He offered it free and didn't make me earn it, Grace seemed too simple.  I grew up a Baptist and I was use to rewards and ribbons and prizes for doing the right things.  I quickly equated that doing good things meant rewards and recognition.  I liked those kudos.  Surely God must be impressed by how I was living my life now, right?  The guilt of falling short in my works of being all the right things to God and others was a burden that I could not bear.  Being someone who like to garden, I knew that these symptoms represented a "root" cause.  Until, that root was found and removed, like crabgrass, its tenacles would spread of out control. And, so they did.

The physical damage was evidence of my spiritual problem.  The whispers I finally agreed to acknowledge were: slow down, you are doing too much, let some things go and the loudest one, "Be Still and Know that I am God".  Last summer, when I was literally laid up due to bizarre issues, God was able to speak directly to my heart.  He revealed that I was chasing after good things, but missing the best thing.  I needed to just get in the Word and let Him speak to me.  Its funny when you are desperate, how open you are to hearing God.  His living water filled me.  It nourished my soul and gave me back hope.  I decided that I don't want to be chasing after anything but Him.  I want to have boundries that keep me from drifting away from my source of life.  I love a song that says, "I need you Jesus to come to my rescue, where else can I go.  There's no other name by which I am saved, capture me with Grace...I will follow you."  I had never been captured by His Grace before. I thank God for bringing us to a church family where Grace was not only communicated from our pastor every single Sunday, but also demonstrated when I finally decided I needed step down from responsibilities.  I was so grateful that I was told I needed to take time to get better and that they cared more about me that what I could do for them.  Never before had anyone previously to this make me feel it was okay to not feel okay.  I am grateful for the two women that poured healing waters over me. (thank you Angie and Vicki).

I was on Amazon one day and saw a book called, "Not a Fan".  This book helped me understand the difference of following Christ and not just being a Fan of His.  There is a huge difference. I was so encourage and convicted through this principle I told God, I wanted to be "All In".  I either wanted to be a true Christ follower or not call myself a Christian. It seems hypocrisy consumes our world now, its root is deception, whose root is Satan.  I didn't want to be deceived any longer.

One practical step I looked into was what possible physical effects were a result of living on the edge.  I had blood work done and started some therapy that I believe has repaired the results of being stressed out. This has greatly helped to bring back my energy and alertness.  The fog was clearing. I must comment here... because we all are multi-faceted, we have to address all the parts of the wonderful creation we are.  God has made us not only spiritual beings in His image, but we are physical, emotional, mental as well.  I used to not allow myself to believe that.  I thought everything was just a spiritual issue and if I got that straightenend out the rest would follow.  And, it did.  Mine occured because I humbled myself to listen to the advice of wise physicians that knew how I am physically wired.  I thank God I was able to get the help I needed physically but that would only be temporary if the spiritual relationship with God was not correct. 

I never believed I would thank God for the depression in my life.  I was angry and resentful during the dark days of this condition.  I felt like I didn't deserve this condition.  Now, when I read that ...God knows the plans He has for us and...He makes all things work together for good for those who are in Christ Jesus, I know that He can, that He will and that He already has.

I am a pretty outgoing person,I  love people. love being with others and long for community with others.  I am a true extrovert which made living like an introvert during tough days not pleasant. Also, knowing that there might be days ahead when the auto-immune condition I have isn't in remission and may physically change my state of being, I have to be prepared to live out these verses that have carried me through this far.  I know joy even when circumstances aren't fun.  I know peace when life is in total chaos.  But, most of all, I know my Savior, the lover of my soul loves me unconditionally.  If I never "do" another thing" for Him, or attempt to "please" Him in anyway, I am loved and accepted Him no matter what.

Being a pretty simple person, I hang onto the simplicity of the gospel.  Anything I would add to Grace would take away from the amazingness of it.  Why would I want to do that.  I have heard that song all my life.  I now "get" it.  I was privileged to grow up in a home where my entire family is believers.  I have also been given a lot of biblical knowledge.  However, I have since heard that, if I am not applying all the principles that already know, then there is no need to add more knowledge to my bank.  I love God's living word and I still read it and new things are revealed to me.  But, my prayer isn't for "more".  My prayers is surrender.  "God, of all I know about you already, allow the truth of your word to permeate every cell in my being.  Let me remember that you love me completly, unconditionally and I can love myself correctly.  Now let me love those around me compassionately."  I cannot do that in reverse.  To try and love others without the love of God in me,I will fail!  I can't love others in my own strength.  I want Christ in me to bring His kingdom to earth (His Kingdom: Him being glorified here on earth as He is glorified in Heaven).  Lastly, to those that don't know what it means to be in Christ, this will sound like a self help technique in some way.  Sadly, self-help doesn't work.  If it did, we wouldn't need a billion books written on it, one would suffice.  Well, one does suffice for all we need, the Living Word of God.

My whole desire in writing this, is to encourage anyone out there that feels alone in this.  I did.  I didn't think anyone could even begin to relate to what I was dealing with.  It can be a very lonely place.  I hope and pray you can believe God for deliverance in His timing.  Realizing it will be good one day.  That you may look back and say, "okay this really is hard right now, but I will trust you God that you will use it for good".  He will!!

I am a Confident Woman...NOT!

If you are anything like me,some days I can be so full of confidence and excitement about what is going on in my life and within less than 24 hours, I can feel the exact opposite.  Not only can the disappointment  feel like a crushing weight, but the lack of consistency causes haunting doubts and frustration.  When God lead me, I believe, to a verse in the New Testament,   it quickly made me realize why I am stumbling in this area.  It says, Such is the confidence we have though Christ toward God.  Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God. 2 Corinthians 3:4-5
Several obvious points jumped off the page.

1. My confidence should be in God, not myself
2. I am not sufficient to take credit for anything I attempt in my own strength.
3. My sufficiency comes from God.

  In a world that loves to praise human effort and self sufficiency, this can sound self defeating.  The truth is, what the world sells us is counterfeit confidence.  It says, "you can do it, you deserve it, don't rely on others-they will only let you down".  Those kinds of thoughts and principles are empty.  They eventually fall apart, which leaves us questioning ourselves and others and desperate feelings of loneliness and disappointment.

From there, we might proceed to criticizing ourselves or others.  Next, blame creeps in and says, "you're okay, it's just someone else's shortcoming that made you react or act how you did".  The slippery slope continues and can eventually lead to separation, condemnation and even self loathing.

Why would I chose not to rely on the Creator of the Universe (who is my personal creator) for all my needs? Why does trusting human strength seem so much easier then relying on God's sufficiency?  After all, He promises to give it to us, no strings attached.

I have personally seen God work in this area of my life.  I should say "working" because I am a work in progress.  I have walked through some physical and emotional shortcomings that caused me to feel totally insufficient in most areas of my life.  During a very stressful place in my life, I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder.  It wrecked me physically and drained my physical energy, which affected my emotional being and of course, spilled over into every relationship in my life.  The once "energizer bunny" became depressed, tired and unable to be productive like I always had been   I became dependent and hated that feeling. As my doctor relayed to me the details and protocol for managing this, I cringed!   I am not big on taking medicine (even though my husband is in the pharmaceutical industry)  but, I had no choice.  I had a regimen for keeping my colitis in remission.  Another  blow came when I was diagnosed with depression.  Isn't that for wimps, I thought?   Apparently, I was going to have to accept the changes in my life. So,I stubbornly submitted to my diagnosis of depression,which made me more depressed, because I didn't like the "idea" of being depressed.  I now see that God was allowing me to clearly see that I am not in control, nor have I ever been.  It has totally changed my perspective and I am thankful for the freedom to let go.

As I worked through the many changes of my once healthy lifestyle, I let go of my ideas of what I was and who I thought I deserved to be.  As a group exercise instructor,   I had always eaten healthy, exercised, tried to avoid junk food, caffeine or anything else that might not be physically good for me.  Honestly, I took pride in my chosen lifestyle and enjoyed the compliments about my commitment to "stay in shape". 

I eventually could see how God was using my struggles to help me acknowledge that  I needed Him that  I wasn't sufficient on my own.  He created me with a void that only He can fill.  I am so thankful that He then gave me Himself to fill that God-shaped void.

In His patience with me, He allowed me to fill it with things that I thought would work.  But, eventually my resources were...insufficient.  How could anything I chose to do or not do replace GOD's presence in my life? I hope you will be encouraged through my personal struggles and choose to lay aside your "agenda", strength or sufficiency and surrender to God.  First, as to accepting His life as a payment for your sin and then as you accept Him into your life, you will be filled to overflowing with His presence.  His presence will be all you need. Look at the following verses from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10,

  But to keep me from being puffed up with pride because of the many wonderful things I saw, I was given a painful physical ailment, which acts as Satan's messenger to beat me and keep me from being proud. Three times I prayed to the Lord about this and asked him to take it away.But his answer was:My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak. I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ's power over me. I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong..

I know some would say, that is upside down.  According to worldly philosophies, I would totally agree.  But, having done it both ways.  I can guarantee that living in the grace and sufficiency of the One who loves me enough to lay down His greatness to make me great, is definitely more peaceful.



just trying to keep it real, Becky

By the way, please check out my friend Renee Swope's book, " A Confident Heart".  Its an awesome "real" book that will encourage you greatly.  Her website is "reneeswope.com"