I am a Confident Woman...NOT!

If you are anything like me,some days I can be so full of confidence and excitement about what is going on in my life and within less than 24 hours, I can feel the exact opposite.  Not only can the disappointment  feel like a crushing weight, but the lack of consistency causes haunting doubts and frustration.  When God lead me, I believe, to a verse in the New Testament,   it quickly made me realize why I am stumbling in this area.  It says, Such is the confidence we have though Christ toward God.  Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God. 2 Corinthians 3:4-5
Several obvious points jumped off the page.

1. My confidence should be in God, not myself
2. I am not sufficient to take credit for anything I attempt in my own strength.
3. My sufficiency comes from God.

  In a world that loves to praise human effort and self sufficiency, this can sound self defeating.  The truth is, what the world sells us is counterfeit confidence.  It says, "you can do it, you deserve it, don't rely on others-they will only let you down".  Those kinds of thoughts and principles are empty.  They eventually fall apart, which leaves us questioning ourselves and others and desperate feelings of loneliness and disappointment.

From there, we might proceed to criticizing ourselves or others.  Next, blame creeps in and says, "you're okay, it's just someone else's shortcoming that made you react or act how you did".  The slippery slope continues and can eventually lead to separation, condemnation and even self loathing.

Why would I chose not to rely on the Creator of the Universe (who is my personal creator) for all my needs? Why does trusting human strength seem so much easier then relying on God's sufficiency?  After all, He promises to give it to us, no strings attached.

I have personally seen God work in this area of my life.  I should say "working" because I am a work in progress.  I have walked through some physical and emotional shortcomings that caused me to feel totally insufficient in most areas of my life.  During a very stressful place in my life, I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder.  It wrecked me physically and drained my physical energy, which affected my emotional being and of course, spilled over into every relationship in my life.  The once "energizer bunny" became depressed, tired and unable to be productive like I always had been   I became dependent and hated that feeling. As my doctor relayed to me the details and protocol for managing this, I cringed!   I am not big on taking medicine (even though my husband is in the pharmaceutical industry)  but, I had no choice.  I had a regimen for keeping my colitis in remission.  Another  blow came when I was diagnosed with depression.  Isn't that for wimps, I thought?   Apparently, I was going to have to accept the changes in my life. So,I stubbornly submitted to my diagnosis of depression,which made me more depressed, because I didn't like the "idea" of being depressed.  I now see that God was allowing me to clearly see that I am not in control, nor have I ever been.  It has totally changed my perspective and I am thankful for the freedom to let go.

As I worked through the many changes of my once healthy lifestyle, I let go of my ideas of what I was and who I thought I deserved to be.  As a group exercise instructor,   I had always eaten healthy, exercised, tried to avoid junk food, caffeine or anything else that might not be physically good for me.  Honestly, I took pride in my chosen lifestyle and enjoyed the compliments about my commitment to "stay in shape". 

I eventually could see how God was using my struggles to help me acknowledge that  I needed Him that  I wasn't sufficient on my own.  He created me with a void that only He can fill.  I am so thankful that He then gave me Himself to fill that God-shaped void.

In His patience with me, He allowed me to fill it with things that I thought would work.  But, eventually my resources were...insufficient.  How could anything I chose to do or not do replace GOD's presence in my life? I hope you will be encouraged through my personal struggles and choose to lay aside your "agenda", strength or sufficiency and surrender to God.  First, as to accepting His life as a payment for your sin and then as you accept Him into your life, you will be filled to overflowing with His presence.  His presence will be all you need. Look at the following verses from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10,

  But to keep me from being puffed up with pride because of the many wonderful things I saw, I was given a painful physical ailment, which acts as Satan's messenger to beat me and keep me from being proud. Three times I prayed to the Lord about this and asked him to take it away.But his answer was:My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak. I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ's power over me. I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong..

I know some would say, that is upside down.  According to worldly philosophies, I would totally agree.  But, having done it both ways.  I can guarantee that living in the grace and sufficiency of the One who loves me enough to lay down His greatness to make me great, is definitely more peaceful.



just trying to keep it real, Becky

By the way, please check out my friend Renee Swope's book, " A Confident Heart".  Its an awesome "real" book that will encourage you greatly.  Her website is "reneeswope.com"